Opinion 2018 Non-Crows Discussion Thread

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ad victoriam said:
As Parent Of Older Kids and grandkids, Trust is the biggest thing you need to work on. You need your Kids to trust one of you good enough to talk to you when things are not going well. If they can talk to you half the battle won. As a grandparent, I have a bigger advantage, because I don't see them every day, the changes in there personalities and behaviours are easier to spot.

The next part is how to stop the bullying.
Physical bullying can be an easy fix, I taught my Kids Martial Arts, and along with other team events they had a network of friends around them. and there was a strong emphasis on the need to help others, against Bullying. Again you have to listen and understand your kids.

Social Media is the hard one. from experience, you have to make an environment where they will talk to you.
But more importantly, you also must learn how to Look, Listen and Feel the signs. If you think something amiss never be afraid to investigate.
PS listening and understanding does not always mean agreeing with them, they have to learn right from wrong.

But remember Bullying is not just a kids domain.
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Completely agree. Learning how to read your kids emotions and body language can be quite hard, especially as they mature. Building trust is absolutely key.

I brought my kids for a while to my martial arts club but couldn't get them past 3rd kyu! Still, i hope that should be enough to stop a physical bully at school.

Something i've found that works well with my kids is if i get home from work, grab the dog take it for a walk and bring one of my kids along for the walk. I don't say much at all, they will usually relax and start a conversation with me, quite often they will open up about how school is going or problems with a friend or whatever is on their mind, not realising that is exactly the reason we have gone on the walk.
 
GreyCrow said:
I understand Peter later visited the courts on a related domestic violence case

The-Subject-as-Noses-the-brady-bunch-8777982-500-333.jpg
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I believe that was a gridiron ball in the back yard.
I could almost recite the script from memory of this show.
You know Peter’s big brother was doing his mum. :eek:
 

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radiojake said:
look I don't want to come across as insensitive or anything, and no doubt there are a heap of teenagers/young adults dealing with massive anxiety, depression and mental health issues, and these are real issues

But what the **** are 14 year olds doing with social media accounts? As someone who doesn't have a facebook/twitter/instagram or any of that s**t (and yes I know bigfooty is social media, but this is my only forum I post on, and none of you know my real name etc), I just don't understand why people think it's a good idea to continue on these platforms if they are getting bullied?

Rather than close down a facebook/twitter account, they'll just let the abuse build up to the point that they kill themselves? What the actual ****?
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It's a lot easier to understand if you don't look at it through 30-something year old glasses.

Kids have social media. All of them. Weird not to. "Turn off the computer" isn't an option for them.
 
radiojake said:
I'm sure bullying still happens face to face, just like it has always occurred - I dealt with a heap of crap in high school but I know that isn't a unique case at all

I just don't understand though why I never really hear about people turning off their social media profiles if they are getting bullied - it's like it's somehow not an option

and yeah I don't have kids and I know your boys are right in that age bracket and it will be difficult navigating that arena as they no doubt don't want to feel left out, but it just seems so obvious to me though...
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I think the biggest reason for this (and I'm far from an expert) is that Facebook/Snapchat/Insta these days is 99% of all social life for kids. THey don't go out as much, they don't join clubs, etc etc...they get home and get on their phones. To not have these accounts is to essentially barricade them from social interactions. It would be like saying the best way to deal with a bully is to never talk to anyone.

I'm sure I saw a NYTimes or WaPo article about this but I can't find it.
 
jenny61_99 said:
We had a plan with social media too... and to be honest, our son never really took interest. Once he turned 13 he could have a facebook page and instagram, but we had to be able to access both. He hardly ever used facebook except to wish his cousins happy birthday. Now he’s in year 12, he’s using it more - but more of a chat page for his various school sporting teams. And we have a rule in the house, no internet or tv access in the bedroom for him which means all of his on-line and tv viewing activity happens in the family room. We have friends who let their kids have computers, tv’s and phones in the bedroom, and they often complain the kids were up til all hours texting friends and they hardly ever see them. We simply don’t have that problem.
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Sounds like good parenting to me. Parents have to own this and looks like you do.
 
Doctor B said:
Completely agree. Learning how to read your kids emotions and body language can be quite hard, especially as they mature. Building trust is absolutely key.

I brought my kids for a while to my martial arts club but couldn't get them past 3rd kyu! Still, i hope that should be enough to stop a physical bully at school.

Something i've found that works well with my kids is if i get home from work, grab the dog take it for a walk and bring one of my kids along for the walk. I don't say much at all, they will usually relax and start a conversation with me, quite often they will open up about how school is going or problems with a friend or whatever is on their mind, not realising that is exactly the reason we have gone on the walk.
Click to expand...
I’m really lucky... my kid gets in the car and tells me about his day from beginning to end on the drive home. He’s done this ever since he was little. Never had to drag anything out of him. We had issues in grade 4 where he was always encouraged to stick up for kids that were being bullied (I had been bullied every day of my primary years). He was sticking up for an older boy (and it was one of his friends that was bullying the older kid) and he ended up with a rather large scratch on his arm. He said to me “Mum, I don’t want to play with this kid anymore” and I said to him “You don’t have to, but you have to tell him why... something along the lines of “You are still my friend, but I don’t want to play with you when you are nasty to other kids”. Feeling proud of myself, I sent him off to school armed with the confidence to take control of the situation. I get a phone call from the school telling me MY kid was bullying this other boy. So I trot down to the school to get to the bottom of it... and apparently my darling boy had told this kid that “my mum says I don’t have to play with you anymore”. FMD! And apparently, exclusion is considered bullying. I explained what the plan had been, but that I also felt that he should have the choice who he socialised with in the playground. They disagreed. In the end we moved him to another school at the end of the year... not just because this had been handled poorly (IMO), but because their educational philosophy was focused around helping girls to succeed, at the expense of the boys. I thought there might have been bullying issues at the next school given it was a private all boys school.... but in 8 years there, we’ve not had one issue that he hasn’t been able to deal with himself.
 
jenny61_99 said:
I’m really lucky... my kid gets in the car and tells me about his day from beginning to end on the drive home. He’s done this ever since he was little. Never had to drag anything out of him. We had issues in grade 4 where he was always encouraged to stick up for kids that were being bullied (I had been bullied every day of my primary years). He was sticking up for an older boy (and it was one of his friends that was bullying the older kid) and he ended up with a rather large scratch on his arm. He said to me “Mum, I don’t want to play with this kid anymore” and I said to him “You don’t have to, but you have to tell him why... something along the lines of “You are still my friend, but I don’t want to play with you when you are nasty to other kids”. Feeling proud of myself, I sent him off to school armed with the confidence to take control of the situation. I get a phone call from the school telling me MY kid was bullying this other boy. So I trot down to the school to get to the bottom of it... and apparently my darling boy had told this kid that “my mum says I don’t have to play with you anymore”. FMD! And apparently, exclusion is considered bullying. I explained what the plan had been, but that I also felt that he should have the choice who he socialised with in the playground. They disagreed. In the end we moved him to another school at the end of the year... not just because this had been handled poorly (IMO), but because their educational philosophy was focused around helping girls to succeed, at the expense of the boys. I thought there might have been bullying issues at the next school given it was a private all boys school.... but in 8 years there, we’ve not had one issue that he hasn’t been able to deal with himself.
Click to expand...


You are lucky, I have a couple of high school aged nephews and their parents say that getting any info out of them requires an FBI agent and a decent dose of truth serum!

We have been on the other side of social exclusion with one of our girls completely excluded from a friendship group because the netball coaches daughters took exception to my daughter sticking up for a girl in their class the coaches girls were bullying. My daughter had to find new friends because they controlled the group, even to the point where most of her team mates wouldn't talk to her at training and on game day.

We also changed her school, to an all girls school and has she been very happy since the change of school and is excelling.
 

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A delicious outcome. Back to rattling collection tins Port. This is the best ‘rug out from under’ situation I’ve ever had the pleasure to witness.

Jay - here’s a gazillion Dollars Port.
Steve - Look at me. I’m the captain now. GAGF Port. You’re gettin’ SFA.

Repeat, delicious.
 
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