Meltdown AFC East - Fapfest Central and Some Other People ©

[Exe Gesis]

Rex will just blame Rob and keep his job

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

I am a Patriots fan and I don’t even like other Patriots fans. Any time I see someone out and about wearing a Patriots shirt or jersey I’m reluctant to talk to them, because 10 to 1 odds they’re a gigantic arsehole.

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

Our team has a legitimate gripe about getting railroaded by the NFL front office. It’s a shame that the sympathy that could have been sent our way is ruined because the fan base is composed of a bunch of fire-breathing asshats claiming there’s an NFL conspiracy at every offensive PI by Gronk. (By the way, the refs are totally ******* Gronk over with those PI calls. IT’S A CONSPIRACY!)

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

I flew back to New Hampshire (from Texas) to attend my cousin’s wedding last year. I was sitting at a table with my Dad and a few random people he knew. The talk naturally turned to the Patriots. We were talking about what would happen when Brady finally retires. And one guy said “That’s going to be fine. I think Garoppolo is just as good. Maybe better.” And my Dad agreed. They assured me that others feel the same way.

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

It’s Tom Brady. There I said it. The reason that we are still talking about ******* Deflategate a full year-and-a-half later is Tom Brady. Whether he ordered those balls deflated or not, any Patriots fan with even a shred of objectivity (HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA) has to admit that Tom’s handling of the situation has been atrocious. Whether it was his brutal press conference in which he came off about as credible as Jerry Sandusky; or his destroying of his cell phone during the middle of an investigation; or his making a literal federal case out of the whole thing, thus guaranteeing that this farce stays in the new cycle as long as possible - it’s Brady. This s**t could’ve been over with eons ago but it’s not, because the face of the franchise has the crisis management skills of Plaxico Burress. And we Patriots fans rabidly defend him anyway because, despite four Super Bowl wins since 2001, we STILL somehow have an inferiority complex that renders us incapable of absorbing any criticism of the Patriots whatsoever in a mature manner. s**t. Maybe we ARE the reason why the Patriots suck.

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

Our fans (who have a long illustrious tradition of cheering for this team for almost 15 years!) can go toe to toe with any other teams’ lunatics for racism, homophobia, misogyny and other general dickheadishness. But our trump card is our insane conspiracy theories and victim complex that makes Kanye West like a model of self-reflection and humility. Pats fans are like drunk versions of Alex Jones with lower grade-level reading.

Mentioning ESPN around a typical Pats fan is like calling their mother/daughter/girlfriend a “campaignering s**t *”. The second most infuriating thing you could do is show them a black fella playing hockey. I’m shocked Bill Simmons didn’t ask to see Ted Wells’ birth certificate.

My only solace in all of this is I live and cheer from Vacationland, so I’m not near the Mass-bros who are the epitome of this Loose Change, roided up anger and will curb your face whilst calling you a homo if you cheer for any other 31 teams. Fans up here are a simpler, i.e. dumber folk, and some Mainers look like the “after” pictures in a Krokodil PSA. New England is a helluva place.

For the team itself, Josh McDaniels’s style of “pass on 1st down 90+% of the time” makes no goddamn sense whatsoever, and only has success because with an undeniable first round ballot Hall Of Famer at QB and a rotating selection of phenomenal wideouts, whether it’s Randy Moss after he stopped being locker room cancer, Wes Welker before he started dropping molly at the Kentucky Derby, or the shaved gorilla we’ve trained to catch footballs for Bud Light Lime-a-ritas. The second we don’t have both of these factors going for us, we’re going to run his ass out of town faster than any running back the Pats have had in the last decade.

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

Last October I went to a sports bar in Santa Cruz to pass the time while waiting for a wedding to start and to enjoy being able to watch football at 10am (I live in Boston.) The early games were awesome and I had a great time watching 8 games simultaneously with friendly, laid-back Californians. At 12:45, a guy and his son decked out in Pats gear walk in and I’m happy to see what I believe to be kindred spirits, so I invite them to join my table. I immediately regret that decision. The dad is fat, gruff, has yellow teeth, and proceeds to sexually harass our waitress in between pounding Rolling Rocks and going outside for a cigarette every 7 minutes. After explaining how he’s a Pats fan because his other son married a woman from northern Maine, the only small talk he made with me were his favorite ways to troll fans of other teams. As the 1:30Pats-Cowboys kickoff approached, 10-12 more Pats fans came into the bar, every single one of them wearing a white player’s jersey. How the * do you even find a Rob Ninkovich jersey? Wes Welker hasn’t been on the team since 2012 right? Is it even really a thing to wear jerseys to sports bars when you’re 45 years old?

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

I’m increasingly convinced our whole team is becoming more and more racist. Our entire receiving core seems to have become white guys, along with most of our O-line. The only notable brown people remaining on our offense are the running backs, who Belichick treats as disposable fodder. Our star player and franchise hero is Donald Trump’s best friend.

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

The Patriots have been so consumed by the dumbest controversy in the history of sports that I legitimately keep forgetting that they won the Super Bowl 18 months ago. It feels like it happened when I was 12. I’m to the point of being really excited that Brady is suspended, because at least something real, interesting and football-related is coming out of Ballghazi.

Also, Bill Belichick has had his title of “Most Highly Regarded Yet Unequivocally Bland Coach” usurped in his own town by Brad Stevens, and I’m afraid Bill is going to have him killed.

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

My first reaction upon hearing that WHY YOUR TEAM SUCKS was coming up was “Ugh, I hate listening to stupid ass crybabies who eviscerate the Pats and call them cheaters when they have no grounds and they’re just jealous that we’re better than them.” This is precisely why we suck. (Deep down, I know Brady cheated. Just don’t make me say it out loud, ok?)

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

I am a Patriots fan from Toronto, Canada. The team is very popular up here. When January rolls around and the Maple Leafs are inevitably out of the playoff hunt (and our actually good team the Blue Jays is on a break), hundreds of Torontonians pull out their Tom Brady or Wes Welker jerseys (yes most believe he is still on the team). The bandwagon assembles and bars fill up with the biggest group of mindless, dumb* Patriots fans who actually cannot name 3+ players currently on the field. That said, they can all remember the years the Patriots won the Super Bowl – it’s equivalent to Canadians who comment on American politics like they know what they are talking about.

Last year during the AFC Championship I struck up a conversation with a group of gold-standard Canadian New England fans. One of them attempted to convince me that Denver was doomed because we have Revis and this new guy Dion Lewis was going to be a nightmare match-up for Denver’s linebackers…I drank six pitchers, five shots of Jager and blacked out that night.

Love the team but the fans are ******* horrible. I can’t imagine how they are in Boston.

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

I love my friend. He is smart, well-educated man with a lovely wife. We’re both from Boston and both big Patriots fans. But Ballghazi has turned him into some kind of braying lunatic. For the last two years(!!!), my Facebook feed has been littered with his hot takes on the Wells Report, the ideal gas law, and offended Colts fans. He is now a white knight on every internet forum, refuting every instance of cheating and defending the Pats like they are the ******* Alamo. Every football conversation we have eventually turns to Deflategate, and every time, he launches into these breathless screeds that put Alex Jones to shame.

So * Bill Belichick and Tom Brady for years of cheating, but double * Goodell for nearly turning it into a ******* Supreme Court case. Look at what the Ginger Hammer has done to Patriots fans. We were already insufferable enough without another hill to die on. I just want my friend back.

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

Year in and year out, despite being a perennial lock for the SB, we act like we’re a bunch of scrappy underdogs, clawing our way up from the bottom of a scrap heap. We do this to justify our inferiority complex and to justify living in a city that is ******* hostile to any sort of outdoor experience from November to mid-April, a city that is hostile to anyone that is from further than 50mi outside of the city (my god, do we ******* hate Western MA), a city that is hostile to practically everything under the face of the sun, including its own residents.

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

And yet, the New England Patriots—that band of cheating arsehole dipshits and the river of human sewage that they call a fanbase—still couldn’t overtake the Broncos despite Kubiak’s generosity, and despite Peyton Manning residing in hospice care. I have never seen a team get away with playing that scared in that important of a game. I guess it helps when Tom Brady plays like absolute s**t (his o-line coach was the eventual scapegoat) and Bill Belichick thinks it’s a good idea to go for it on 4th-and-6 with no line against the best defense in the universe. Getting outfoxed by Gary Kubiak should mark the end of your credibility, *faces.

 

[Exe Gesis]

Wont be long before the entire Bills roster is suspended....

__________


Bills RT Seantrel Henderson is facing a four-game suspension for violating the league's substance-abuse policy.

According to NFL Network's Ian Rapoport, Henderson tested positive for marijuana. Henderson is overcoming Crohn's disease, and marijuana is a common pain reliever. Due to the tricky nature of this one, it's possible Henderson's ban could be overturned, but we doubt it. He's appealing it.


Source: Mike Rodak on Twitter

 

[Elixuh]

Dolphins 4-12? HA. Imo we will improve drastically this year.

Dolphins 7-9.

 

[Exe Gesis]

In addition to finally being allowed to audible, Ryan Tannehill is now allowed to remove plays before the game.

New coach Adam Gase is taking the revolutionary approach of treating his quarterback like a man. "When I think about some of the things that he’s done really well, the fact that he’s open and that he makes suggestions and then if he doesn’t like something, he tells me," Gase said. "That kind of communication is critical because the last thing I want to do is put him in a position to where he doesn’t like what I’m calling but he doesn’t say anything." It's hard to blame Tannehill's topsy-turvy first four seasons all on his coaching, but it certainly didn't help. Tannehill has been set up for success plenty of times before, but never more so than in 2016.


Source: Miami Herald

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

Got his big boy pants on now!

 

[The Lemon]

Don't think Garoppolo has looked good enough to guarantee a 2-2 start. 1-3 could happen. That would make things interesting for the Pats

You'd expect Brady to go 9-3.


A 10-6 finish would make the AFC East race interesting and if the Jets or whomever won the tiebreak, the Pats might be in danger of a playoff spot

and here we are...

 

[ausbacker]

and here we are...

In fairness to Licorice, Garoppolo displayed none of the poise, command or accuracy in the preseason he showed tonight. I had concerns, most of which, if you believe the Cardinals are an elite team, can be dispelled now. It's a tough act to replace Brady but Garoppolo did enough to suggest the offense should be able to function until Brady returns. I'm more concerned with the performance of the D late. For the collection of talent there, to miss on simple crossing routes is very disappointing.

 

[The Lemon]

In fairness to Licorice, Garoppolo displayed none of the poise, command or accuracy in the preseason he showed tonight. I had concerns, most of which, if you believe the Cardinals are an elite team, can be dispelled now. It's a tough act to replace Brady but Garoppolo did enough to suggest the offense should be able to function until Brady returns. I'm more concerned with the performance of the D late. For the collection of talent there, to miss on simple crossing routes is very disappointing.

They'll go 4-0 and then sort it out whe Brady returns

 

[juss]

So unlucky for the Jets. Their defensive line was awesome and in the end a missed PAT cost them a chance at the win. Those losses hurt.

 

[Exe Gesis]

What a s**t fck

-------------

The Sporting News' Alex Marvez reports the Bills' front office forced coach Rex Ryan to fire OC Greg Roman as a "sacrificial lamb" following Thursday night's embarrassing home loss to the Jets.

Per Marvez, the front office "leaned on" Rex to make a "significant change" in hopes of "appeasing a disgruntled fan base." Ryan couldn't fire himself -- and certainly wouldn't fire his brother Rob -- so he fired Roman, who took the Bills' offense from No. 26 in offensive DVOA in 2014 to No. 9 in 2015, and scored 24 points Thursday night against a tough Jets defense. Meanwhile, Rex's defense finished No. 24 in DVOA in 2015 after ranking No. 2 under Jim Schwartz in 2014, and coughed up 37 points at home to the Jets. Marvez also confirms Rex himself "is feeling the heat" following an 0-2 start. The Bills are set up to start 0-4 with the Cardinals and Patriots next on the schedule.

Source: Sporting News

 

[Exe Gesis]

Bills fired OC Greg Roman.

Roman is taking the fall for the failures of Rex Ryan's defense, which was absolutely annihilated by Ryan Fitzpatrick, Matt Forte, and the Jets on Buffalo's home turf Thursday night. Ryan's defense got gashed by the run and couldn't generate any pressure last season, something Rex essentially blamed on outgoing DC Jim Schwartz. The Bills are now blaming Roman. Quickly, the Bills have become one of the NFL's most dysfunctional organizations. A full-on house cleaning will likely take place at season's end.
Related: Bills

 

[ausbacker]

Bills fired OC Greg Roman.

Roman is taking the fall for the failures of Rex Ryan's defense, which was absolutely annihilated by Ryan Fitzpatrick, Matt Forte, and the Jets on Buffalo's home turf Thursday night. Ryan's defense got gashed by the run and couldn't generate any pressure last season, something Rex essentially blamed on outgoing DC Jim Schwartz. The Bills are now blaming Roman. Quickly, the Bills have become one of the NFL's most dysfunctional organizations. A full-on house cleaning will likely take place at season's end.
Related: Bills

Rex will be out of a job by the end of the season so this is probably good news for Roman. Early start on the job front.