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Today has been a better day. Got the house clean. Went for a 6km walk. Went to a quiz night(team came in 2nd! Only 2 points off) just had a couple of triggers that set me off last night, which happens. Drinking all day doesn't help either!
Today has been a better day. Actually went out and done things. Which helps. Planning on going to a nature reserve tomorrow for a walk. Find that nature helps a lot.
Will take a look. Another book I heard about is Alan Carr's quitting book. Guess I have some reading to do.
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It would have to be nearly the toughest decisions in life for a father to go through this. All power to you mate.
http://www.thinkinghumanity.com/201...-when-you-stay-together-for-the-kids.html?m=1
I've been hanging in there. Just went interstate for three days for work was so pleased to get back and see the kids. The first few hours home felt calm as we all sat down for dinner. Didn't take long for an argument with the wife to flare up, and the kids jumped in to act as referees - that can't be good. I know I'm part of the problem and have work to do, and I'm trying not to be too hard on myself or my wife - none of us are perfect.
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Have downloaded the happiness book, along with Alan Carr's easy way to quit smoking. Time to read!
Struggling a little bit today. Finished work over 3 hours ago. So think I'm about to vent.
I'll start off with I really hate my job. It's unrewarding, not challenging, repetive, monotonous while being you are constantly micro managed. The upside to the job is it pays well, that's it. I have done nothing but 12 hour night shifts for the past 5 years. Which I think has affected me mentally, pyhically and emotionally as I'm constantly having to change to a day/night night/day cycle. I once told my supervisor that I want more of a challenge, with his response being "You are in your right posistion, you won't progress even if you do change jobs." Just confirming that I'm just a piece s**t that's to be used in a dead end job. This is despite the fact, in other industries I used to work at, I used to be a manager. As a manager I used to base my success on those that showed improvement. At 1 stage in that role I had over a 90% success rate in seeing my staff improve. I was proud of that and pleased for them to achieve their goals.
So it frustrates me when others are allowed to go past me, while I'm left to plauto into obscurity for a narcissistic incompetent piece of s**t's ego. I hate the politics in the place where it seems the more you suck arse the higher you rise. I hate the fact that on paper I have more qualifications than him. I hate the fact that I'm stuck In a dead job of misery and despair proving him right. All for the money.
I also hate the fact that I have feelings for a female friend that I believe is using me. She uses me on an emotional level, where I feel I have to respond. She has been separated from her ex for six years and still has feelings for him. Despite all the abuse he did to her. FMD 6 years of mental, emotional and pychiscal abuse from a ******* speed addict and his new girlfriend and you still have feelings? Every time she feels down, she messages me, I offer solutions fix the problems, but seems very rarely returned. The other week she was feeling depressed, so I brought her some flowers(what was I thinking?) to cheer her up. I just wish I could suppress these feelings. Life was easier then.
I'll start off with I really hate my job. It's unrewarding, not challenging, repetive, monotonous while being you are constantly micro managed. The upside to the job is it pays well, that's it. I have done nothing but 12 hour night shifts for the past 5 years. Which I think has affected me mentally, pyhically and emotionally as I'm constantly having to change to a day/night night/day cycle. I once told my supervisor that I want more of a challenge, with his response being "You are in your right posistion, you won't progress even if you do change jobs." Just confirming that I'm just a piece s**t that's to be used in a dead end job. This is despite the fact, in other industries I used to work at, I used to be a manager. As a manager I used to base my success on those that showed improvement. At 1 stage in that role I had over a 90% success rate in seeing my staff improve. I was proud of that and pleased for them to achieve their goals.
So it frustrates me when others are allowed to go past me, while I'm left to plauto into obscurity for a narcissistic incompetent piece of s**t's ego. I hate the politics in the place where it seems the more you suck arse the higher you rise. I hate the fact that on paper I have more qualifications than him. I hate the fact that I'm stuck In a dead job of misery and despair proving him right. All for the money.
I also hate the fact that I have feelings for a female friend that I believe is using me. She uses me on an emotional level, where I feel I have to respond. She has been separated from her ex for six years and still has feelings for him. Despite all the abuse he did to her. FMD 6 years of mental, emotional and pychiscal abuse from a ******* speed addict and his new girlfriend and you still have feelings? Every time she feels down, she messages me, I offer solutions fix the problems, but seems very rarely returned. The other week she was feeling depressed, so I brought her some flowers(what was I thinking?) to cheer her up. I just wish I could suppress these feelings. Life was easier then.
Onto part 2
My parents, I wish I had a relationship with them. How ever I was also used for their means. I lived with a set of grand parents for 12 months when I was about 18 months old. When I was four I lived with a school librarian for another 12 months while my parents disappeared. During the ages of 5 to 9 I lived either with my parents that constantly fought or lived with complete strangers. When I was 12 my older sister and I lived with an aunt for 12 months sharing a double bed.(no incest so don't worry, despite me being from Tasmania!) when I was 14 to 16 I was living with my other set of grandparents. Also too, in the middle of me living with my parents, when I was 11 I spent 4 weeks in traction and 8 months on crutches. I only ever became necessary when I turned 16 when I received Ausstudy, so I could pay my own way. The only time my parents were interested in me, was when I could provide an income for them.i remember when I was 16, working for an uncle at a $1 an hour as a builders labourer, that my parents came home and my father started to hit my mother. He laid a few blows on me that night, but I laid a lot more back. So when my parents divorced after 29 years of misery I was happy for them. What I didn't realise that I would then become responsible for my mother. For 8 years I endured her criticism of me, her fears anthe expection that I would have to live my life, for her. I am so sick of being used by every one. I just wish I didn't feel the need to be used in order for being accepted as the person I am.
End Rant
My parents, I wish I had a relationship with them. How ever I was also used for their means. I lived with a set of grand parents for 12 months when I was about 18 months old. When I was four I lived with a school librarian for another 12 months while my parents disappeared. During the ages of 5 to 9 I lived either with my parents that constantly fought or lived with complete strangers. When I was 12 my older sister and I lived with an aunt for 12 months sharing a double bed.(no incest so don't worry, despite me being from Tasmania!) when I was 14 to 16 I was living with my other set of grandparents. Also too, in the middle of me living with my parents, when I was 11 I spent 4 weeks in traction and 8 months on crutches. I only ever became necessary when I turned 16 when I received Ausstudy, so I could pay my own way. The only time my parents were interested in me, was when I could provide an income for them.i remember when I was 16, working for an uncle at a $1 an hour as a builders labourer, that my parents came home and my father started to hit my mother. He laid a few blows on me that night, but I laid a lot more back. So when my parents divorced after 29 years of misery I was happy for them. What I didn't realise that I would then become responsible for my mother. For 8 years I endured her criticism of me, her fears anthe expection that I would have to live my life, for her. I am so sick of being used by every one. I just wish I didn't feel the need to be used in order for being accepted as the person I am.
End Rant
Hi Nugett, that's some very heavy stuff you are going through. In my opinion, you need some support to manage your way through this. You aren't going to conquer these intense feelings just on your own. If you haven't got a psychologist yet, get one. Go to your GP and get a Mental Health Plan done and this will entitle you to highly subsidised access to psychologists. Don't go to a psychiatrist unless a psychologist recommends it though. (psychiatrists are potentially dangerous in the way they try to treat everything with medication, which is often the opposite to working on your issues). You've got to let go of these pseudo macho ideas that everybody should solve their own problems and not show weakness. That is stone-age stuff these days. I'd guess that 90% or more of the people on this thread have seen, or and actively seeing a psychologist. And the ones with the most insight are the ones who have done it for a while.
What you need is to clarify your issues and get a plan going to deal with them. That's what psychologists do - they aren't there to poke around in your head. They give you the tools to get out of "stuck" situations. They give you insight into yourself as to why you're in the predicament you're in now, and how to get out of it and avoid getting back into it. It's a very rational way to address the problems you've got. Don't feel ashamed of that. It's actually the most courageous thing you can do. It's not more courageous to suffer in silence to maintain your reputation.
The good news is that you're opening up very well in here. That's a great sign for you because it means you would respond really well to therapy. You can describe your situation well. You just need some objectivity and support, and that's why I recommend you start with a psychologist. But by all means, keep sharing here. There are a lot of great people on here who will back you up and listen.
Feel free to message me or anyone else on here who you feel a connection with. I hope you will consider my advice really carefully, and I wish you the very best. Take care mate.
What you need is to clarify your issues and get a plan going to deal with them. That's what psychologists do - they aren't there to poke around in your head. They give you the tools to get out of "stuck" situations. They give you insight into yourself as to why you're in the predicament you're in now, and how to get out of it and avoid getting back into it. It's a very rational way to address the problems you've got. Don't feel ashamed of that. It's actually the most courageous thing you can do. It's not more courageous to suffer in silence to maintain your reputation.
The good news is that you're opening up very well in here. That's a great sign for you because it means you would respond really well to therapy. You can describe your situation well. You just need some objectivity and support, and that's why I recommend you start with a psychologist. But by all means, keep sharing here. There are a lot of great people on here who will back you up and listen.
Feel free to message me or anyone else on here who you feel a connection with. I hope you will consider my advice really carefully, and I wish you the very best. Take care mate.
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- Jan 21, 2013
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It's been hard but it does get better.
Exactly. More often than not we make our difficult times worse by believing nothing will change and we'll be stuck in the same situation forever. The only true constant in life is nothing remains the same. That's not to say that we cannot make changes for the better.
There’s a saying I try to remind myself of bro, “your speed doesn’t matter, forward is forward” Just keep plugging away at it.
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G'day fellas,
Posted this in another thread regarding depression, but thought I'd also post it here in the hopes it helps some of you as well.
Regarding Depression:
There is no easy cure, however there are steps you can take to help combat it. I'll offer some advice that has certainly increased my resilience and helped me recover to a large degree:
1) Change your definition of happiness.
When we tend to think of happiness, we chase more of that 'feeling good'/euphoric mindset. The problem with chasing this 'happiness' when we feel depressed, is that it is only a temporary feeling, and soon after feeling it, this happiness vanishes, leaving us in our depressed state. The best action you can take is to change your definition of happiness. For the Greeks happiness wasn't a feeling or a mindset, it was a life lived with virtue, spent chasing pursuits that would maximize your self worth- character building in a way. Happiness comes from reviewing your progress daily, weekly, monthly, yearly.
You might say that it's difficult to live virtuously, chase pursuits and measure self progress with the demands of everyday life, but a pursuit doesn't have to be some goliath task or hobby! Waking up 5 minutes early and appreciating the sunrise each morning, attempting to live more in the moment, heck, even drinking one less beer. These all serve to reinforce willpower, build character and self-worth. If you're able to put your head on the pillow that night and say you've done at least 1 task, regardless of the size, you've just improved yourself and made progress in your life. These small, seemingly insignificant tasks act a bit like a workout on your mind, it develops resilience, habit, and you'll find slowly, but surely that the negative thoughts will start to lessen.
2) Find purpose in your life.
Having a cornerstone to anchor yourself against will help you to find meaning in your life, and give you something to fall back on when things get tough. For some people this is religion, a life philosophy, helping others, or it may be something completely different. For me personally, I use a mixture of religion, and a life philosophy called Stoicism. Not going to blow my own trumpet, but stoicism is great mate, you should give it a try. It's the belief in developing self control, and resilience, that help in overcoming negative, destructive emotions. Perhaps the best analogy I have for it is a rock on the beach. That rock is you. The waves coming in and out? Your emotions. Stoicism teaches you how to be the rock, unmoving and untouched. When you get good at Stoicism, your emotions come and go but they have no overall impact on you (trust me, this helps with depression). If you're interested, i'd suggest reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, there's a good modern translation available on amazon by Gregory Hays. There's also loads of good youtube videos on the topic.
Hope these points help you as much as they've helped me,
Chookie.
Posted this in another thread regarding depression, but thought I'd also post it here in the hopes it helps some of you as well.
Regarding Depression:
There is no easy cure, however there are steps you can take to help combat it. I'll offer some advice that has certainly increased my resilience and helped me recover to a large degree:
1) Change your definition of happiness.
When we tend to think of happiness, we chase more of that 'feeling good'/euphoric mindset. The problem with chasing this 'happiness' when we feel depressed, is that it is only a temporary feeling, and soon after feeling it, this happiness vanishes, leaving us in our depressed state. The best action you can take is to change your definition of happiness. For the Greeks happiness wasn't a feeling or a mindset, it was a life lived with virtue, spent chasing pursuits that would maximize your self worth- character building in a way. Happiness comes from reviewing your progress daily, weekly, monthly, yearly.
You might say that it's difficult to live virtuously, chase pursuits and measure self progress with the demands of everyday life, but a pursuit doesn't have to be some goliath task or hobby! Waking up 5 minutes early and appreciating the sunrise each morning, attempting to live more in the moment, heck, even drinking one less beer. These all serve to reinforce willpower, build character and self-worth. If you're able to put your head on the pillow that night and say you've done at least 1 task, regardless of the size, you've just improved yourself and made progress in your life. These small, seemingly insignificant tasks act a bit like a workout on your mind, it develops resilience, habit, and you'll find slowly, but surely that the negative thoughts will start to lessen.
2) Find purpose in your life.
Having a cornerstone to anchor yourself against will help you to find meaning in your life, and give you something to fall back on when things get tough. For some people this is religion, a life philosophy, helping others, or it may be something completely different. For me personally, I use a mixture of religion, and a life philosophy called Stoicism. Not going to blow my own trumpet, but stoicism is great mate, you should give it a try. It's the belief in developing self control, and resilience, that help in overcoming negative, destructive emotions. Perhaps the best analogy I have for it is a rock on the beach. That rock is you. The waves coming in and out? Your emotions. Stoicism teaches you how to be the rock, unmoving and untouched. When you get good at Stoicism, your emotions come and go but they have no overall impact on you (trust me, this helps with depression). If you're interested, i'd suggest reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, there's a good modern translation available on amazon by Gregory Hays. There's also loads of good youtube videos on the topic.
Hope these points help you as much as they've helped me,
Chookie.
Just to let you guys know. Kindness is not dead. Just from tassie seeing family. Had to fly into Proserpine as the tickets to Mackay where I live was $500 more expensive. First up on my way into town, I had a couple stop and give me a lift into town (very much appreciated!) dropped me off at a local pub, where 1 of the locals decided to walk with me to the train station and proceeded to introduce me to the station master. Feeling pretty much appreciated to the kindness of strangers. Stay strong and I do appreciate the help you guys have for each other. Help is here if you want to open up, don’t do it alone, it’s not worth the struggle.
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That sounds great Nuggett. Glad you are seeing some positivity. It is easy to forget that simple things like kindness and gratitude exist during the dark times.
There's a lot of truth in what you say. When I'm struggling I know there's a real temptation to isolate myself. It's the easy way out but getting stuck in my own thoughts is a recipe for disaster.
This year I was forced (out of necessity) to reach out and share with others. As challenging and confronting as this was it has been surprising to see the reaction of others which has been 100% supportive and understanding. Probably the best part has been finding out how many other people are having their own struggles.
Hang in there.
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Good luck to everyone in this thread. Having suffered depression and anxiety for years, and worked with numerous psychs, I’ve come to realise that all of my behaviours stem from my childhood.
If you can find a therapist who can unpack your actions and emotions and delve into the past it might be helpful for some of you.
Often workplaces offer free counseling these days
I’m having a fairly terrible year. My two week old daughter suffered a massive heart attack in June and I’ve spent 12 weeks in the children’s hospital. For a few weeks she hovered between life and death but she decided she wanted to live and is getting better. We don’t know what the future will bring.
My dear sister in law is undergoing horrendous radiation therapy for cancer and she’s really lost herself, trying to be positive but attacking everyone around her.
I’m a casual relief primary school teacher and I went back to work a few weeks back. I worked with a really tough group of grade 3/4s for the last fortnight. I did a good job but I really threw myself into it.
It’s been so exhausting remaining calm in the face of adversity. I need to do some work on myself. I need to meditate, cycle, go to the gym. Switch off. Read instead of lay on my phone.
I’m not depressed but I’m suffering panic attacks and anxiety. It doesn’t help that I’ve got myself addicted to benzodiazepines.
Be kind to yourselves and those around you. When you see that homeless person acting crazy on the tram, just remember that some people have led really f**king hard lives, lives they didn’t choose. Reach out to each other and ask for help.
Life is a series of moments. Try not to live in the past. The future isn’t real; it hasn’t happened yet. It’s just a construct inside your head. You have the power to change the present and the future.
Stay safe
If you can find a therapist who can unpack your actions and emotions and delve into the past it might be helpful for some of you.
Often workplaces offer free counseling these days
I’m having a fairly terrible year. My two week old daughter suffered a massive heart attack in June and I’ve spent 12 weeks in the children’s hospital. For a few weeks she hovered between life and death but she decided she wanted to live and is getting better. We don’t know what the future will bring.
My dear sister in law is undergoing horrendous radiation therapy for cancer and she’s really lost herself, trying to be positive but attacking everyone around her.
I’m a casual relief primary school teacher and I went back to work a few weeks back. I worked with a really tough group of grade 3/4s for the last fortnight. I did a good job but I really threw myself into it.
It’s been so exhausting remaining calm in the face of adversity. I need to do some work on myself. I need to meditate, cycle, go to the gym. Switch off. Read instead of lay on my phone.
I’m not depressed but I’m suffering panic attacks and anxiety. It doesn’t help that I’ve got myself addicted to benzodiazepines.
Be kind to yourselves and those around you. When you see that homeless person acting crazy on the tram, just remember that some people have led really f**king hard lives, lives they didn’t choose. Reach out to each other and ask for help.
Life is a series of moments. Try not to live in the past. The future isn’t real; it hasn’t happened yet. It’s just a construct inside your head. You have the power to change the present and the future.
Stay safe
bresker
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That’s really hard mate.
One thing my psychologist did with me was to get me to write a letter to my parents telling them that I loved them, but that they failed in their parenting in some ways & detail how it has affected me in adulthood. You don’t have to send the letter but writing it helps you let go of some of the anger.
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I wanted to post on this thread as it has helped me seek help for my issues, I called beyond blue because of this thread and admitted I am struggling with anxiety and depression. I am now seeing a psychologist, the breathing techniques and “getting out of my head” techniques are helping me. I have also returned to the gym and stopped drinking (3 weeks and 6 days, but who’s counting) putting all of this together I feel much better.
As a parent I did want to comment that it’s not easy and you do * things up from time to time. I have my own hang ups in this area but if you can forgive your parents as they in most cases did the best they could. This realisation for me at least helped me move on from the past.
Take care and if anyone needs to talk PM me
As a parent I did want to comment that it’s not easy and you do * things up from time to time. I have my own hang ups in this area but if you can forgive your parents as they in most cases did the best they could. This realisation for me at least helped me move on from the past.
Take care and if anyone needs to talk PM me
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This great news. Always good to see people moving onwards and upwards.
It’s a journey but it’s good to know others are on it too and willing to share, it takes guts
I am reading a book called “change your thinking” by Sarah Edelman on my psychologists recommendation and it talks about cognitive behavioural therapy that’s providing some insights.
Stay safe everyone
I lost a so called friend today. A friend that I had feelings for. I knew that her nan, who was suffering ill health and who was a strong influence in her life. So I decided to tell her about the influence my nan had on me. How my nan died ect. My ex friend decided to ignore my message, which I felt hurt by. So rather than my usual response of suppressing the feelings of hurt, I sent her a message explaining why I felt hurt. I was not personal or hurtful, that she hurt my feelings through her indifference of her ingorance. Her response was not this s**t again, and proceeded through a list of excuses as to why she didn't read the message.(it's messenger, it comes up as being read, so I do know she read the message). Accused me of being negative( I am) being judgmental(I set high standards for myself, so also guilty). But she conveniently forgets, that when she was down, I would send her flowers, I would make sure sure that she had food for her and her children, I would listen to her problems. So it saddens me, but I feel free from being used.
After sending her the message, I realised that the only person that can accept me is me. I realised that I was allowing myself to be used was to be accepted. So now I begin a new journey of not being accepted by others, but learning to accept myself. I am looking forward to that journey as I realise now that by accepting myself, others can accept me for who I am, and not what I can do for them.
After sending her the message, I realised that the only person that can accept me is me. I realised that I was allowing myself to be used was to be accepted. So now I begin a new journey of not being accepted by others, but learning to accept myself. I am looking forward to that journey as I realise now that by accepting myself, others can accept me for who I am, and not what I can do for them.
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