Hawthorn vs Essendon - Bartos Report & Game Day Thread

[grizzlym]

It's on again, Us vs Them.

There's great rivalry between the two sides going back generations. Who could forget Dermie smashing the Essendon huddle at Arctic Park back in the 80s? Or the infamous 'Line in the Sand Match'? And last time we met Matty Lloyd rolled out a tough guy routine straight from Carl William's playbook.

who knows what's happening here - perhaps they're looking at scaring us with some sort of crap mascot model horror?

Both teams are struggling with form and injury, but expect the rivalry to fuel a great contest.

Post everything to do with today's game in here please.

 

[grizzlym]

The excellent Head-to-Head analysis can be found here.

http://www.bigfooty.com/forum/showthread.php?t=700901

 

[Neville Bartos]

Bartos Report - Essendon v Hawthorn

Grizz, please move this

The Bartos Report - Essendon v Hawthorn

No Title Required

Good luck trying to play this game down. You could obviously point to the fact that both teams are missing key players, out-of-form, Kyle Riemers is injured and we're both coming off disheartening losses last week as reasons why this game might fail to provide the "Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus" spectacle that Ch10 had been hoping. But if you cast your mind back to the year before Neville Bartos was born, a great rivalry was forged between these two teams where the opposition was not only to be beaten but disrespected and made to know about it. Collingwood and Essendon have a rivalry that comes from being a foundation team who have always been at the top of the VFL/AFL financially, who've become two of the most successful clubs (albeit before television was invented) and more recently by monopolizing the ANZAC day game. Carlton and Collingwood are also foundation team that has traditionally represented the working class and minorities of the inner-northern suburbs and they continue to strive to be recognised as the "Most Feral Fans in the Country".

But a real rivalry, one that is forged in blood, punches, name-calling, kissing, cheating, elbowing, wrestling, slapping, pinching, eye-gouging and in severely disrespecting your opponent is what you'll find between Hawks and the Scum. Hawthorn entered the league many years after Essendon had won most of their flags against orphans and lepers in the late 1800s and early 1900s. We share no geographical connection/rivalry as sooty folk from Essendon rarely visit the leafy suburbs of Hawthorn and you won't find too many wealthy Hawthorn types trawling the streets around Windy Hill. Our jumpers/colours have no connection, we don't share the same home ground and we haven't had a litany of players switch between the two clubs... But you play 3 Grand Finals in-a-row, you start a few brawls, you run through their huddle, you make them your bitch, you win a dubious prelim, you belt the suitcase out of each over repeatedly with strong-handed tactics and call a spade a spade (or in this case a sniper) and hey wooshka you've got a great rivalry. Admittedly it was much the one-sided rivalry during the wonderful Hawthorn period from 1993-2004 when we repeatedly took to field with a small hole in the rear of our footy shorts in anticipation. After all, how can you hate a team you consistently belt? That all changed when Dermot Brereton was allowed to meander into the Hawthorn rooms and bullied his old teammate and step-ladder Peter Schwab out of the way and addressed the players as we stared down the barrell at another Essendon loss. What happened after half-time was truly remarkable as not only did we go on to get absolutely thumped, but we lost half of our team to the fury of the tribunal! Great work Derm!
I don't buy into that "Line in the sand game being the turning point of the Hawthorn Football Club" crap. Funnily enough people forget that the sacking of Schwab and the appointment of Clarkson MAY have been part of the reason why we started beating Essendon again. We had a coach who convinced us to treat our opponents as if they were the Keilor U9s instead of a gameplan that involved around giving the ball to Mark Graham and watch it sail out of bounds on the full.

Both teams find themselves in a pretty dire situation this week. Essendon haven't really been that underwhelming but everyone is so used to them playing above themselves and stealing wins no-one thought capable of since the Albino emerged from his cave to coach them 2 years ago. In 2010 they are playing at the appropriate level they are capable of for the first time in a while and we've yet to see them hit those giant-killing heights of 2009 so far. Their win over Carlton could almost be classified as a default win as they won that game by butchering the ball less than the Judd-less Blues while Kyle Reimers had such an awesome game that he sent his boots to Robert Walls (who was over in the US at the time) to let him know how awesome he was. A tip to the young emo-wannabe, if you're going to live the life of a FIGJAM and trash-talk someone like Robert Walls after your epic 3 goal performance then you should probably consider the comparisons in your respective footballing achievements:

Walls as a player:
1968 Carlton Premiership Player
1970 Premiership Player
1972 Premiership Player
BOG in 1972 Grand Final
218 games
367 goals
AFL Hall of Fame inductee

Walls as a coach:
Fitzroy (1981-1985)
Carlton (1986-1989)
Grand Final 1986
Premiership 1987
Brisbane (1991-1995)
Richmond (1996-1997)
347 games as coach
162 wins

Walls as a commentator:
Most disliked media personality 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009

Now don't think I like Robert Walls. His special comments and obsession with Carlton are insanely annoying, but he's got enough runs on the board that he doesn't have to take crap from w***ers who's list of achievements are as follows:

Kyle Riemers as a player:
0 premierships
0 finals
31 games
29 goals
1 parcel sent to Robert Walls

So Kyle,... Shut the f*** up, you're a nobody t*rd and until you play 1 AFL finals game you should stick to writing songs about high school and slitting your wrists.

The Hawks welcome back Big Renouf this week after the selection debacle in Tasmania on Sunday night. Renouf was a last minute exclusion after he was seen spewing on the ground after Simon_Nisbett invited him along to the Bigfooty pre-game drinks. Although there's a few holes in our best 22, it's substantially better than the team of U/19s, rehab patients and hot-heads we put to the field against the Scum last time.

Out of the team goes:
Kennedy (traded to Sydney for a pack of cigarettes)
McGlynn (traded to Sydney for some magical beans)
Dowler (Still recovering from Daisy tripping injury at training)
Savage (He's beached as bro)
Milne (No idea where he is)
Moss (an emergency for this week)
Bailey (the $6 million man is being rebuilt again)
Muston (Providing moral support for the other Beau)
Mitchell (leadership and clearances are overrated)

Hard to replace these Hall of Fame contenders, but coming into the team:

Franklin (plodder)
Roughead (a terrible ruckman)
Guerra (modern day Greg Matthews)
Ladson (a tackling machine)
Whitecross (a teetotaler)
Ellis (crap premiership player I)
Young (crap premiership player II)
Kayler-Thomson (a better ruckman than Renouf according to Brad Scott)
Stratton (The struttin' strap-on)

So you would think we're certainly half-a-chance against the scum with this team. The Herald Essenscum and The ScumAge published many negative articles by former Essendon players during the week in an attempt to fire their team up for this game. The Albino also brought some senior (albeit shockingly bad) players back into the side to replace the two circus short people he sent on to the field in the last 3 weeks along with the horrendously named TAYTE Pears and Emo knob-end Kyle Reimers who've broken bones in their arms/hands/legs/heart or something.

On paper we should demolish Essendon like Jay Neagle demolishes a Seafood Basket, but considering the last 6 months which has befallen the Hawthorn FC, I NEVER feel confident going into battle anymore. Instead of dreaming how Buddy, Hodgey, Cyril will systematically rape those scummy CEO thieving f********s, I'm petrified that some megaspud like Dyson, Davey, Lonergan, Prismall or god help me Henry Slattery will play the game of his life out of nowhere and destroy us. This is commonly known as the Paul Barnard syndrome, a horrendously ugly fanta-pants we sent packing in order to land the big Fish back in the 90s, who somehow managed to always play his greatest games against his old club in the late nineties and early noughties (why hasn't this word been added to spellcheck yet?). What I really need to do is read that Essendon forwardline to myself a few more times:
HF: Angus Monfries, Scott Gumbleton, Brent Prismall
F: Alwyn Davey, Michael Hurley, Sam Lonergan

I was probably slightly unfair on North's forwardline when I read those 6 names out to myself. There is absolutely ZERO goalkicking power in that group and I should actually pity them, but if Hitler had bad BO would you feel sorry for him? I would love to see some blood on the field tonight, but not from swinging fists or cheap hits but Hawks players going after the hard-ball with cannon-fodder Scum players standing in their way. We should have played Shaun Burgoyne in this game if only for him wearing a Metal helmet to protect his jaw and to use it as a weapon Matty Lloyd style.

Enough is enough, we need to start winning EVERY game. No more excuses, no more jokes and no more goddamn Bartos reports until we start winning games again.

Hawks by 24 points.

 

[Consumed]

Re: Bartos Report - Essendon v Hawthorn

LOL, no more fanta pants.

Good stuff Nev. We better bloody win tonight cos I've had a s**t month and after North, we need to cane one of our hated opponents.

Go Hawks.

 

[Off The Couch]

The other fanta pants to cause an upset was Hurley - maybe a few HJ bags prominately on display will assuage this problem although he has been down on form since returning from exile after refusing to pay the ferry man and hopefully this will continue.

Footnote: Does that photo of Lloyd look like his wearing a g-string or is just that Harry Highpants has given himself a wedgie.

 

[Leather Poisoning]

With Reimers, Lloyd and McPhee out of that side the hate must wane a little. I wonder if Browny will line up on Monfries again?

 

[Garf]

Great report Neville. Here's hoping we'll be singing the song loud and proud come final siren time. It's been a while !

Also, bring some Mortein for that big mosquito mascot thing.

 

[philohk]

I'm vacillating between confidence and wondering if some spud really is going to play the game of his life tonight and beat us. Wonder if the players get as nervy as some of us?

Also, didn't see these in any of the other threads:

Bombing out: Essendon's kicking, by the numbers

■ 15th for kicking efficiency (61.1%) Last is Richmond (60.3%)
■ 14th for effective long kicks (37.8 per game)
■ 13th for effective short kicks (77.4 per game)
■ 1st for ineffective kicks (60 per game)

From http://www.theage.com.au/afl/afl-news/loss-shows-up-bomber-deficiencies-20100428-tsgb.html

Makes me feel a bit better.

 

[Messenger]

With Reimers, Lloyd and McPhee out of that side the hate must wane a little. I wonder if Browny will line up on Monfries again?

Instead of slapping he could try pinching him this time.

Awful that we are in "season on the line territory" in Round 6, but if we are any sort of football team, the next three weeks are not-negotiable.

 

[The Dustbin]

LOL at the Bartos report. Glad to see EFC and Reimers in particular getting under your skins.

 

[Binxy]

Re: Bartos Report - Essendon v Hawthorn

...a gameplan that involved around giving the ball to Mark Graham and watch it sail out of bounds on the full.

Bwahahahahaha Totally nailed it - week after week I'd go home and stick needles in my Luke McCabe doll, asking God what I had done to deserve this.

Great report as always Nev - COME ON HAWKERS!!!! GIVE US SOMETHING!!!!!

 

[Neville Bartos]

LOL at the Bartos report. Glad to see EFC and Reimers in particular getting under your skins.

You've obviously read none of my other reports. I was actually pretty lenient on the blood-stained n***ers

 

[grizzlym]

That's Brian Mannix on the left. Former rock 'god' and life-long Essendon supporter.

 

[Off The Couch]

You've obviously read none of my other reports. I was actually pretty lenient on the blood-stained n***ers

I do believe you actually referred to them as satans tampons - in a previous post and have thought of them as such for ever after

 

[Leather Poisoning]

"Kayler-Thomson (a better ruckman than Renouf according to Brad Scott)"

hehehe best line in there.

 

[killerspud]

That's Brian Mannix on the left. Former rock 'god' and life-long Essendon supporter.

Where will he be in 50 years???

My guess is working at a McDonalds with Kyle Reimers. Also great to see that Nathan Carroll has shaved off the mo and decided to glam it up a bit

 

[cam975]

"Kayler-Thomson (a better ruckman than Renouf according to Brad Scott)"

hehehe best line in there.

Hehehe, yes agree.

I've had the impression that Brad Scott is quite the tool from the moment he was sprouting off about interviewing the young kids at draft camp and saying things like, "I only want players that desperately want to play for North Melbourne".

And he has done nothing since to change my opinion of him.

 

[Strapping Young Lad]

hehe, Lloydy has a pooh stain.

 

[Bosk]

Excellent report there Neville!

(I look forward to them more than I do the actual games these days)

 

[mainehawk]

Yeah killerspud......... I was wondering where Nathan was.......but here he is....again ? can't believe it

 

[grizzlym]

I'll be getting the Twitter feed going in the next couple of weeks so people will be able to 'tweet' in from the game. It's going on the Brisbane board and is a mighty thing.

 

[mainehawk]

Well good people of Hawthorn Land..in about 10 mins it's all going to happen ! imagine how the boys must be feeling ? pumped or what ?......It's now or never, that's what I reckon............ GO HAWKS

 

[mustardnugget]

Starting to feel familiar already.

 

[happy punter]

Different week, same old sh*t from the boys

 

[Back Pocket Rocket]

We are awful! Guerra Whitecross For ****s sake guys, this is killing me