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It’s a job afterall I guess,I should not be so harsh on them or God.

He only there to try to help us but sometimes I winder.

Anyway,going to make a big effort to rid myself of caffeine,I don’t need booze anymore but I’m the thpe that gets bad hangovers,it’s the ones who don’t get hangovers that usually struggle with the booze.

Had a really down day yesterday,I’m much better today even though my car has carked it and I got the RACV over to give it a check,faulty spark plug but it could be anything,not good,bloody cars lol.


I know I am going to have more down days.

I know caffeine effs my brain over in,once I get to three cups,that’s when the anxiety and bad mood swings rush in,I have a sensitive brain,I used to get tipsy on three pots.

I’m glad my drinking days are done,now to embrace the best drink on the planet,water.

Beer and coffee are quick fixes with the added side effects,water is a long term healer.

I guess both can be useful if used in a practical way.

But I’m the type that if I have one beer,I have to drink ten.

So not touching the crap is better for me.

Cafffeine is more of a devil than it’s protrayed imho,the stuff in the wrong brains can make you really depressed and full of anxiety.

I used to chain drink coffee,like have 4 in a row in the morning and ten in a day.

I got tremors and gnashed my teeth alot without realising it.

Caffeine crap.
 

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It’s a job afterall I guess,I should not be so harsh on them or God.

He only there to try to help us but sometimes I winder.

Anyway,going to make a big effort to rid myself of caffeine,I don’t need booze anymore but I’m the thpe that gets bad hangovers,it’s the ones who don’t get hangovers that usually struggle with the booze.

Had a really down day yesterday,I’m much better today even though my car has carked it and I got the RACV over to give it a check,faulty spark plug but it could be anything,not good,bloody cars lol.


I know I am going to have more down days.

I know caffeine effs my brain over in,once I get to three cups,that’s when the anxiety and bad mood swings rush in,I have a sensitive brain,I used to get tipsy on three pots.

I’m glad my drinking days are done,now to embrace the best drink on the planet,water.

Beer and coffee are quick fixes with the added side effects,water is a long term healer.

I guess both can be useful if used in a practical way.

But I’m the type that if I have one beer,I have to drink ten.

So not touching the crap is better for me.

Cafffeine is more of a devil than it’s protrayed imho,the stuff in the wrong brains can make you really depressed and full of anxiety.

I used to chain drink coffee,like have 4 in a row in the morning and ten in a day.

I got tremors and gnashed my teeth alot without realising it.

Caffeine crap.
I’m really sorry to hear you’re struggling smasha

I absolutely hear what you say about 1 beer becoming 10.

But I’m pretty inspired by you recognising some of the things that are harming you, and trying to put it behind you. It’s inspiring. I’ll try hard to do the same.

Also, I’ve always really liked you as a poster on the site. You’re a heart-on-sleeve man which is great, and you don’t seem to harbour the venom that some do. So thank you for that and I really hope your Richmond boys do you proud this year.
 
Sep 13, 2019
68
308
AFL Club
Geelong
I still don't have any one to talk to about my wife's drinking, so thought this is about the only place I could get some heavy thoughts out of my head.

I ******* hate alcohol. It's everywhere. There's no escape. I just pray each day for a good day. When she has three quarters of a bottle in a night, that's about the best I can wish for. When it heads up to two there's no other option than to run and hide and just cop it, and hope she wakes up better.

Man, this year has been really tough.

I've been really sick most of it, and my wife is so high functioning that she does an incredible amount each day. But by the afternoon the drinking starts and the same cycle plays out.

Anyways, don't know what this post achieves but at least I feel like I talked to someone sort of.

Thanks
 

Ando727

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 12, 2009
6,720
14,221
Hobart
AFL Club
Melbourne
I still don't have any one to talk to about my wife's drinking, so thought this is about the only place I could get some heavy thoughts out of my head.

I ******* hate alcohol. It's everywhere. There's no escape. I just pray each day for a good day. When she has three quarters of a bottle in a night, that's about the best I can wish for. When it heads up to two there's no other option than to run and hide and just cop it, and hope she wakes up better.

Man, this year has been really tough.

I've been really sick most of it, and my wife is so high functioning that she does an incredible amount each day. But by the afternoon the drinking starts and the same cycle plays out.

Anyways, don't know what this post achieves but at least I feel like I talked to someone sort of.

Thanks
Mate, that really sucks. Where are you at concerning how long you can tolerate this situation? Are you making any contingency plans - in the case that it doesn't improve? I think you need to do that because there is always the possibility of it escalating even further. You may be forced into taking action to get yourself and your kids out of harm's way. I get that this must be a difficult thing to contemplate, but there's no sense going down with the ship if things sink deeper. Your kids are relying on their one clear-thinking parent to make the right choices for them. It's something you'll have to evaluate and possibly make a call on - even if everybody, including your kids, are saying you're wrong. I'm not telling you what you should do, only to make some contingency plans in case you need them. You should also document your wife's condition with photos and videos because god knows if you ever ended up in a custody struggle, you will be accused of fabricating the whole thing and then some. I'm not saying you should give up on your wife - you should stick at it for as long as you see hope, but keep in mind it's ok to make a plan to protect yourself and your kids. Serious alcoholism is a progressive and degenerative illness. It doesn't subside, or improve slightly. It only improves if somebody realises their predicament and makes a decision to remove alcohol from their life.
 

RichmondEshays

Senior List
Sep 9, 2017
290
822
Grog Squad, Standing Area, MCG
AFL Club
Richmond
Other Teams
Liverpool, Larissa
I still don't have any one to talk to about my wife's drinking, so thought this is about the only place I could get some heavy thoughts out of my head.

I ******* hate alcohol. It's everywhere. There's no escape. I just pray each day for a good day. When she has three quarters of a bottle in a night, that's about the best I can wish for. When it heads up to two there's no other option than to run and hide and just cop it, and hope she wakes up better.

Man, this year has been really tough.

I've been really sick most of it, and my wife is so high functioning that she does an incredible amount each day. But by the afternoon the drinking starts and the same cycle plays out.

Anyways, don't know what this post achieves but at least I feel like I talked to someone sort of.

Thanks
Hey mate,
If you feel comfortable dm me and we can discuss it, I have a similar scenario with my life I eventually got through
 

Nugett

Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 2, 2017
6,176
7,235
AFL Club
Hawthorn
Been a while since I been here. At the moment I’m in isolation, as I tested positive to the Rona. I’m doing ok, just had muscle aches, a bit of a temp for a couple days. Now it’s just like a head cold.

Being single and living alone, I see it as a way for me to take some time off for myself.

Last weekend me and a couple of friends travelled up to cairns for our birthday, as two of us share the same birthday, where we went sky diving, scuba diving and bungee jumping. Unfortunately two of us has tested positive.

Anyway back on topic, before going away, I was working 2 jobs, so I could afford to go away and pay for these activities, so I was working between 50-60 hour weeks. So being forced into taking time off is a blessing in disguise.

Work for me has always been a love-hate relationship. Having worked for most of my adult life, where in some instances I have worked 80+ hour weeks, having minimal days off, although mostly it’s usually been between 50-60 hours I work in a week. I have used work as an excuse, not to go and do things I might enjoy, meet new people, closet myself in, a hard days work means you deserve a beer or 2 or 3…

In a lot of ways I have always felt that by working so much, I was needed and wanted, also too at various times being used. A lot of that goes back to my upbringing which was unique.

While I acknowledge that I need to work, in order to pay bills ect… Over the years I have allowed it to affect my quality of life, by not having a proper work/life cycle. So sitting here in reflection I can honestly say I need to make changes.

I want to make a job change, as I want to have a career rather than a job. I can update my resume and look for something I’m interested in. I currently have the time to do that. I want to get out and go back hiking. I can do that by making the time by not working as much, so I’m not fatigued in putting it off and removing that excuse. I want to join something like the SES for example so I’m meeting new people with similar interests. I can make email enquires and phone calls ect, where I can ask for advice and help.

Sometimes what we may think is a negative, is really a positive.

Admittedly the hardest parts is
1. Admitting there is a problem.
2. Enacting on the solutions provided.
I have achieved #1 now I just need to act on #2.
 
Apr 24, 2014
2,420
7,711
AFL Club
St Kilda
Been a while since I been here. At the moment I’m in isolation, as I tested positive to the Rona. I’m doing ok, just had muscle aches, a bit of a temp for a couple days. Now it’s just like a head cold.

Being single and living alone, I see it as a way for me to take some time off for myself.

Last weekend me and a couple of friends travelled up to cairns for our birthday, as two of us share the same birthday, where we went sky diving, scuba diving and bungee jumping. Unfortunately two of us has tested positive.

Anyway back on topic, before going away, I was working 2 jobs, so I could afford to go away and pay for these activities, so I was working between 50-60 hour weeks. So being forced into taking time off is a blessing in disguise.

Work for me has always been a love-hate relationship. Having worked for most of my adult life, where in some instances I have worked 80+ hour weeks, having minimal days off, although mostly it’s usually been between 50-60 hours I work in a week. I have used work as an excuse, not to go and do things I might enjoy, meet new people, closet myself in, a hard days work means you deserve a beer or 2 or 3…

In a lot of ways I have always felt that by working so much, I was needed and wanted, also too at various times being used. A lot of that goes back to my upbringing which was unique.

While I acknowledge that I need to work, in order to pay bills ect… Over the years I have allowed it to affect my quality of life, by not having a proper work/life cycle. So sitting here in reflection I can honestly say I need to make changes.

I want to make a job change, as I want to have a career rather than a job. I can update my resume and look for something I’m interested in. I currently have the time to do that. I want to get out and go back hiking. I can do that by making the time by not working as much, so I’m not fatigued in putting it off and removing that excuse. I want to join something like the SES for example so I’m meeting new people with similar interests. I can make email enquires and phone calls ect, where I can ask for advice and help.

Sometimes what we may think is a negative, is really a positive.

Admittedly the hardest parts is
1. Admitting there is a problem.
2. Enacting on the solutions provided.
I have achieved #1 now I just need to act on #2.
I think even achieving the first point is a big step. I spent years in denial before I got professional help. My first psychologist said one of my problems was that I was too resilient and, therefore could convince myself I didn’t have a problem.
it wasn’t I got to that stage that I could actually do something about it.
I hope you are doing ok on your journey.
 
Jul 2, 2010
37,818
35,970
Adelaide
AFL Club
Carlton
Had my father and grandfather die last week. Dad went suddenly, but i did see grandad before he died.

Very unaccustomed to dealing with people dying that are close. I look a lot like my dad and I keep seeing myself dead in my now far too regular nightmares.

This is proving very difficult to deal with, and I get to relive the experiences next week when i have to go to both funerals.
 

Ando727

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 12, 2009
6,720
14,221
Hobart
AFL Club
Melbourne
Had my father and grandfather die last week. Dad went suddenly, but i did see grandad before he died.

Very unaccustomed to dealing with people dying that are close. I look a lot like my dad and I keep seeing myself dead in my now far too regular nightmares.

This is proving very difficult to deal with, and I get to relive the experiences next week when i have to go to both funerals.
Geez, that's very rough, mate. Very sorry to hear that. I hope you have people you can lean on during this time. Don't hesitate to come here and unload any time you need to. Take care.
 

King Huskii

Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 19, 2022
6,026
9,105
AFL Club
Fremantle
I'm feeling pretty lonely in my head tonight. I wish that I didn't. I feel I'm not good enough for my job which I view as my vocation.

I've changed my life for the better yet I'm still failing with who I am. I don't hate myself but I hate feeling like this.

I wish I could feel happy. I don't know why I get this way. Maybe I'm lonely and I need some more positive connections in life.

When I've talked to a psychologist I often don't tell them everything for embarrassment. Wished I didn't do certain things when partying when I.was younger and thought I.was indestructible. I wish I could love myself instead of seeing myself as not good enough
 
I'm feeling pretty lonely in my head tonight. I wish that I didn't. I feel I'm not good enough for my job which I view as my vocation.

I've changed my life for the better yet I'm still failing with who I am. I don't hate myself but I hate feeling like this.

I wish I could feel happy. I don't know why I get this way. Maybe I'm lonely and I need some more positive connections in life.

When I've talked to a psychologist I often don't tell them everything for embarrassment. Wished I didn't do certain things when partying when I.was younger and thought I.was indestructible. I wish I could love myself instead of seeing myself as not good enough
You are no better than anyone else or worse than anyone else. Human beings are too complex to compare to each other. A lot of people feel they aren’t good enough at their jobs , but I doubt your boss or colleagues would say that about you . If you find your job meaningful and not boring you are onto a good thing.

The meaning of life is to find meaning in life. Happiness is an illusion.
 

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King Huskii

Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 19, 2022
6,026
9,105
AFL Club
Fremantle
You are no better than anyone else or worse than anyone else. Human beings are too complex to compare to each other. A lot of people feel they aren’t good enough at their jobs , but I doubt your boss or colleagues would say that about you . If you find your job meaningful and not boring you are onto a good thing.

The meaning of life is to find meaning in life. Happiness is an illusion.

I do have purpose but feel I don't live up to all my responsibilities. I also do feel alone in my headspace.
 

Ando727

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 12, 2009
6,720
14,221
Hobart
AFL Club
Melbourne
I do have purpose but feel I don't live up to all my responsibilities. I also do feel alone in my headspace.
Do you have a list of responsibilities you are doing well with, alongside the ones where you feel you're falling short? It's important to contrast the two, because there is a tipping point where if you dwell too much on the negative, you lose the ability to recognise what you're doing well. If you can't acknowledge what's working well, you can't make a plan to chip away at the things you want to improve at a pace you can sustain. You don't need to be a finished product right now. You can take time to get to where you want to be. Unrealistic expectations are the enemy of improvement, sustainability and contentment. I'd be willing to be you're not doing nearly so badly as you think you are - regardless of how many things you can't tell people. I'd suggest you pick a couple of things to focus on improving for a month, and then re-evaluate after that month. See where things stand then. See if you think you can add some more after that. Any kind of progress can build momentum.
 

King Huskii

Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 19, 2022
6,026
9,105
AFL Club
Fremantle
Do you have a list of responsibilities you are doing well with, alongside the ones where you feel you're falling short? It's important to contrast the two, because there is a tipping point where if you dwell too much on the negative, you lose the ability to recognise what you're doing well. If you can't acknowledge what's working well, you can't make a plan to chip away at the things you want to improve at a pace you can sustain. You don't need to be a finished product right now. You can take time to get to where you want to be. Unrealistic expectations are the enemy of improvement, sustainability and contentment. I'd be willing to be you're not doing nearly so badly as you think you are - regardless of how many things you can't tell people. I'd suggest you pick a couple of things to focus on improving for a month, and then re-evaluate after that month. See where things stand then. See if you think you can add some more after that. Any kind of progress can build momentum.

Thank you for that

Your response was really well written and made sense to me. I agree with looking at both sides and yes I do some things well. Or at least I have been doing some things well. I need more sleep and more motivation and less of the voice in my head that tells me I'm failing. It's often hard.

I am lucky ive two beautiful children who love me.

Thank you for your response I appreciate your insight
 

Ando727

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 12, 2009
6,720
14,221
Hobart
AFL Club
Melbourne
I am lucky ive two beautiful children who love me.
That's a super accomplishment right there. Not everybody can say that. As an experiment, try applying the skills you use with your kids to yourself. You would never let your kids criticise themselves as harshly as you do yourself. Think about the advice you would give to them to help them improve and see the positives in a situation. You're their dad, you have to be kind to your kid's dad. They don't want you feeling this way. They will learn from how you treat yourself - so try to display compassion and patience, while you go about bettering yourself. It could be a real win-win for you and your kids. You can probably share some of the things you want to work on with them. That would be even better.
 
May 5, 2016
42,611
47,735
AFL Club
Geelong
Thank you for that

Your response was really well written and made sense to me. I agree with looking at both sides and yes I do some things well. Or at least I have been doing some things well. I need more sleep and more motivation and less of the voice in my head that tells me I'm failing. It's often hard.

I am lucky ive two beautiful children who love me.

Thank you for your response I appreciate your insight


PM me if you ever need to chat mate
 
May 8, 2022
6,906
11,114
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Fremantle
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Eagles NFL, 76ers, Blue Jays
Bigfooty is great for a civilized chat. Sure you get your dickheads every now and then but most people are here for sharing thoughts and ideas etc.

I think if you want your mental health to improve, continue to use this discussion forum but stay away from FB/Twitter comments etc. It's toxic.a.f
 

King Huskii

Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 19, 2022
6,026
9,105
AFL Club
Fremantle
Bigfooty is great for a civilized chat. Sure you get your dickheads every now and then but most people are here for sharing thoughts and ideas etc.

I think if you want your mental health to improve, continue to use this discussion forum but stay away from FB/Twitter comments etc. It's toxic.a.f

I agree

I don't have FB or anything like that. It's a time waster and people act like they are heroes.
 
May 8, 2022
6,906
11,114
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Fremantle
Other Teams
Eagles NFL, 76ers, Blue Jays
I agree

I don't have FB or anything like that. It's a time waster and people act like they are heroes.
Somehow FB seems to gravitating my news feed to sad and depressing stories that I'm too scared to read. I've seen two in the last week that made me feel incredibly sad, and that's on top of the ones from the last month in the US.

Trae Young just became a father and the trash that's being thrown up on Twitter is disgusting. It's becoming a cess pool. Most of the comments on FB are irrelevant. I just logged out. Hopefully the anxiety dies with it.
 

King Huskii

Norm Smith Medallist
Apr 19, 2022
6,026
9,105
AFL Club
Fremantle
Somehow FB seems to gravitating my news feed to sad and depressing stories that I'm too scared to read. I've seen two in the last week that made me feel incredibly sad, and that's on top of the ones from the last month in the US.

Trae Young just became a father and the trash that's being thrown up on Twitter is disgusting. It's becoming a cess pool. Most of the comments on FB are irrelevant. I just logged out. Hopefully the anxiety dies with it.

Just lose the social media. It's toxic. I don't care for people opinions on there.

Life's better without it.
 
Jul 14, 2014
14,045
16,486
Perth
AFL Club
West Coast
Other Teams
Liverpool // Ferrari
Last three months have been a tougher slog than I anticipated. Moved to the city by myself away from family, new job because I wasn’t valued or have any career prospects where I was. Straight into 3 months of training behind a screen, minimal human interaction has sucked the life out of me. One more week until the career I signed up for actually commences and I feel like I’m in a hole. Im having panic attacks about every little thing, money, my weight, social situations, it’s all too much.

I’ve started seeing someone about my thoughts and feelings and in my last sessions we discussed my ex and her car accident last year. Since then I’ve been even more emotionally fragile and sad. Everything feels too heavy for my mind to handle.

I feel so embarrassed to have anxiety and depression when I know I shouldn’t. I’ve taken more sick days in the past three months than I ever did at my last job. I feel pathetic.

Thanks for letting me rant.
 

Ando727

Norm Smith Medallist
Dec 12, 2009
6,720
14,221
Hobart
AFL Club
Melbourne
Last three months have been a tougher slog than I anticipated. Moved to the city by myself away from family, new job because I wasn’t valued or have any career prospects where I was. Straight into 3 months of training behind a screen, minimal human interaction has sucked the life out of me. One more week until the career I signed up for actually commences and I feel like I’m in a hole. Im having panic attacks about every little thing, money, my weight, social situations, it’s all too much.

I’ve started seeing someone about my thoughts and feelings and in my last sessions we discussed my ex and her car accident last year. Since then I’ve been even more emotionally fragile and sad. Everything feels too heavy for my mind to handle.

I feel so embarrassed to have anxiety and depression when I know I shouldn’t. I’ve taken more sick days in the past three months than I ever did at my last job. I feel pathetic.

Thanks for letting me rant.
Hey mate, sorry to hear you're going through all that. You might need some medical assistance to stabilise yourself until you're feeling more in control of things. The tide will turn, you've just gotta take care of yourself until that happens. Do what you need to do to stay safe. And keep in mind that there's no such thing as "shouldn't have anxiety/depression". Millions of people have it. Millions have recovered from it too. It's nothing to be ashamed of - but it's something to be taken seriously, which you seem to be doing. Try not to worry about every thing at the same time - focus on 2 or 3 things you can actually do something about, and be all about that. (maybe exercise and diet would be a good place to start? It's essential for good functioning) When you see some gains, you'll get more confidence to add some more things to your improve list. Things do get better if you apply consistent effort that you can sustain. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You're not doing as bad as you think you are. It was a brave move to make a move to develop your career - you just got a bit more than you bargained for - but that's part of learning who you are and what you need. Don't give up, stick around here and vent when you need too. And do seek some medical help if you feel you need it. There's no shame.
 
Somehow FB seems to gravitating my news feed to sad and depressing stories that I'm too scared to read. I've seen two in the last week that made me feel incredibly sad, and that's on top of the ones from the last month in the US.

Trae Young just became a father and the trash that's being thrown up on Twitter is disgusting. It's becoming a cess pool. Most of the comments on FB are irrelevant. I just logged out. Hopefully the anxiety dies with it.

Doomscrolling = just looking at constant bad news on Facebook. Doesn’t make you feel any better. If you want to stay informed listen to the radio news twice a day. I listen to Radio National in the morning, it gives you a varied content and critical analysis.

If you click on doom content on FB, the algorithm presumes that’s what you want to read and provides more & more depressing content. A lack of control over your life is a major driver of sadness and depression, and since you can’t control bad news, it clouds you in hopelessness. Change the algorithm by joining positive groups. I like psychedelic mushrooms, so my news feed is filled up with photos of finds of lovely fungus.

Twitter is just a shouting match between people who aren’t witty or clever in real life conversation, but compete to say something clever or cutting or downright nasty with the space allowed to have all day to come up with something half witty. There’s rarely a positive Twitter discussion about celebrities. It’s a cesspool for counts to swim in.
 

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