Banter Dad Joke Quarantine Thread

[Eddie Dingle]

I don't get it.

WHAT?

 

[Grave Danger]

What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe?


Roberto

 

[Eddie Dingle]

Hear about the dwarf that grew a moustache?

He looked like a paedophile and the kid he was trying to ****.

 

[chachi11]

What has two legs and bleeds?

Half a cat.

 

[haveago]

An old fella working in a team digging trenches says to the young fellas with their flash new shovels with fibreglass handles and hi tech steel heads.
Look at my shovel, 40 years I've had it and it has never let me down. 40years same shovel..... of course I've had to replace the handle once or twice and its had a couple of new heads....but same shovel for 40 years.
They don't make em like that anymore

 

[Powerade 08]

What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe?


Roberto

This is disgusting. One of those jokes you find in Christmas crackers.

 

[Zakk Wylde]

My cleaner just text me saying she's working from home

 

[Garibaldi Red]

How do you make a dog go meow?
Put it in the freezer for a few hours. Put it through the bandsaw and it goes MEEEEOOOWWW.

How do you make a cat go woof?
Pour petrol on it and set it alight. It will go WOOOOF.

 

[raman]

My cleaner just text me saying she's working from home

I hope she charges you a bit less at least.

 

[raman]

I feel like the dead animal jokes are paving the way for dead baby jokes. Can we do dead baby jokes?

 

[Eddie Dingle]

How do you get a homosexual man to have sex with a woman?


Shit in her campaigner

 

[Eddie Dingle]

I feel like the dead animal jokes are paving the way for dead baby jokes. Can we do dead baby jokes?

YES

 

[Eddie Dingle]

I think it’s safe to say we have gone beyond dad jokes.

 

[raman]

What crawls around bumping into walls?

A baby with forks in its eyes.

 

[raman]

I think it’s safe to say we have gone beyond dad jokes.

Now we're in Dad Jokes when Dad is drunk and not in mixed company.

 

[Papa G]

An old fella working in a team digging trenches says to the young fellas with their flash new shovels with fibreglass handles and hi tech steel heads.
Look at my shovel, 40 years I've had it and it has never let me down. 40years same shovel..... of course I've had to replace the handle once or twice and its had a couple of new heads....but same shovel for 40 years.
They don't make em like that anymore

I know your avatar is Wayne Harms, but Christ it could be Ron Jeremy.

 

[Papa G]

Thread is funnier after 8 beers

 

[shewho]

What do you call a man with no arms and legs on your front porch?

Matt

Q. What do you call the man with no arms and no legs who swam the English Channel?

A. Clever Dick

 

[Grave Danger]

I think it’s safe to say we have gone beyond dad jokes.

How about dead dad jokes?



A Teacher asks the children to discuss what their fathers do for a living.

Little Mary says: "My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail."

Little Jack says: "My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better."

All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny. The teacher says: "Johnny, what does your Dad do?"

Little Johnny says: "My Dad is dead."

"I'm sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died ?"

"He turned blue and shit on the carpet"

 

[Eddie Dingle]

Q. What do you call the man with no arms and no legs who swam the English Channel?

A. Clever Dick

A man with no arms and legs in the water is


Bob

 

[raman]

How long does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?

I wasn't keeping track, I was masturbating.

 

[Papa G]

Does anybody remember the joke about Johnny Farquarder? I can't remember the lead up or the punchline, but jeez we laughed in 1983.

 

[Papa G]

I think Raman's Dad was Bevan Spencer Von Einem.

 

[raman]

I think Raman's Dad was Bevan Spencer Von Einem.

A paedophile and an 8 year old boy are walking together into a dark, foreboding forest.

The boy says: "I'm scared..."

The paedophile says: "You think you're scared? I have to get back out of here alone!"

 

[Eddie Dingle]

Why did the pine tree fall over?


It had too many cones