Analysis Confess!!! Who are you and more importantly why do you support Melbourne?

[Proper Gander]

Okay so I think the title gives the gist, hopefully.

Confession time for anyone who dares - with a Dee's focus if possible (but if you feel a strong urge to confess something even worse, please feel free)

So for me I'm relatively new to AFL - I'm not originally from an Australian Football region but I knew about it and watched a few games as a kid because it was a fun game to watch as a one-off. Without a team as such, I tended to like Melbourne, Collingwood and Carlton because I quite liked the uniform. It was a poor start for a Dee's fan, I admit, but I want to hear from others. Don't feel confined by the questions, confess anything the hell you want. But if you need to get started:
- food. Do you like it? What about it do you like? Favourite food?
- sex. Good idea or not thought through enough? You decide...
- Scott twins; annoying yes?
- is your career building you up or bringing you down (bloke in orange handed me a card with that on the tram earlier; didn't read the fine print but the opening question seemed harmless so I'm borrowing it)
- why on earth are you a Dee's supporter?

To respond to this thread I totally expect you to come up with three further interesting or uninteresting questions and answers.

Also, the rule is (because I say so) you tell us one weird thing about yourself. It doesn't have to be weird nasty - just something that might be surprising. Having said that, weird nasty is okay too.

 

[A11dAtP0w3R]

Okay so I think the title gives the gist, hopefully.

Confession time for anyone who dares - with a Dee's focus if possible (but if you feel a strong urge to confess something even worse, please feel free)

So for me I'm relatively new to AFL - I'm not originally from an Australian Football region but I knew about it and watched a few games as a kid because it was a fun game to watch as a one-off. Without a team as such, I tended to like Melbourne, Collingwood and Carlton because I quite liked the uniform. It was a poor start for a Dee's fan, I admit, but I want to hear from others. Don't feel confined by the questions, confess anything the hell you want. But if you need to get started:
- food. Do you like it? What about it do you like? Favourite food?
- sex. Good idea or not thought through enough? You decide...
- Scott twins; annoying yes?
- is your career building you up or bringing you down (bloke in orange handed me a card with that on the tram earlier; didn't read the fine print but the opening question seemed harmless so I'm borrowing it)
- why on earth are you a Dee's supporter?

To respond to this thread I totally expect you to come up with three further interesting or uninteresting questions and answers.

Also, the rule is (because I say so) you tell us one weird thing about yourself. It doesn't have to be weird nasty - just something that might be surprising. Having said that, weird nasty is okay too.

1) Food: Indian or Thai. Love spicy foods, not that thai is spicy. Does that make sense?
2) What does the sex question mean? lol Have i had it? Yes. Virginity broken when i was 15. I remember having absolutely no ******* idea what i was doing, the poor girl.
3) Scott twins: I find Brad much more annoying than Chris. Dont mind Chris actually, which is weird coz i hate the Geelong FC
4) Career: I work security and shity shift hours, see now.. Money is good so cant complain, dont let the negatives worry me, look at the positives, i get paid to post on BF and watch youtube.
5) Why Dees: Coz i have wanted to go against the norm. Grew up on the Bellerine where nearly everyone was a Geelong supporter, including my family, decided to stick to the man and go Melbourne. Lesson learnt kids, the man always wins.

Weird thing about me; umm, ive got a massive scar that starts at the top of my forehead and runs about 20cm past my hair line. I shave my head on zero so its easy to see (no im not bald but have shaved my head short for quite a few years now).. did it play fighting with a mate at the pub, got him in a full nelson, he flipped forward to break the hold and i went head first into the corner of a brick wall, couldnt stop myself cause my hands/arms were committed to holding the full nelson in place. Slashed it so deep you could see skull, blood freaking everywhere, if i wasnt so pissed at the time i would have been horrfied when i looked in the mirror. 35 stitches, hurt like an absolute bitch having them put in and taken out.

My own questions:

Which Melbourne player is your favourite of all time and your most hated of all time?
Dogs or Cats? (the pet variety)
If you didnt have a partner and could go on a date with anyone who would it be?
Choose four guests to have at your ultimate dinner party, can be alive or dead..

 

[Biffinator]

My uncle played for the Dees and was given number 8 in 1971. As a 5 year old, I was given no choice in the matter.

 

[Proper Gander]

My uncle played for the Dees and was given number 8 in 1971. As a 5 year old, I was given no choice in the matter.

He might know the ancient demon! Ancient demon was B&F in the Demons under 17s in 69 or so.

I read your post and went Aha! because I thought your uncle must be Ray Biffin which would make so much sense, but some googling says the year is a bit out so I guess not. But I would like you to be Ray Biffin's nephew.

 

[eskimo]

1. Food - Probably Pizza, or indian.
2. I don't really know what you mean by the sex question either, but i do enjoy it
3. Scott Twins - agree with above. Hate Brad, Chris - meh
4. Career - Work in Fire Protection. Boss is getting on a bit and the long term vision is for me to take over the business when he eventually retires, so thats all tracking along nicely.
5. I had no choice in who I supported. Before I left the hospital after i was born I was already the proud owner a red and blue football. Given I was born in 86, I have contemplated having my old man up on child abuse charges.
6. Favourite Dees player of all time is David Schwartz. Don't know who would be most hated. Can't think of one right now.
7. Have one of each, prefer the dog.
8. I have an unusually large crush on Natalie Portman, so it would have to be her.
9. Dinner party guests - given I'd want to impress Natalie, I'll take her. And Nikola Tesla, Jack White, and Bill Hicks.

My questions -
First concert you ever went to?
Favourite Football memory?
Your best achievement on a sporting field?

 

[Proper Gander]

1) Food: Indian or Thai. Love spicy foods, not that thai is spicy. Does that make sense?
2) What does the sex question mean? lol Have i had it? Yes. Virginity broken when i was 15. I remember having absolutely no ******* idea what i was doing, the poor girl.
3) Scott twins: I find Brad much more annoying than Chris. Dont mind Chris actually, which is weird coz i hate the Geelong FC
4) Career: I work s**t shift hours, see now.. Money is good so cant complain, dont let the negatives worry me, look at the positives, i get payed to post on BF and watch youtube.
5) Why Dees: Coz i have wanted to go against the norm. Grew up on the Bellerine where nearly everyone was a Geelong supporter, including my family, decided to stick to the man and go Melbourne. Lesson learnt kids, the man always wins.

Weird thing about me; umm, ive got a massive scar that starts at the top of my forehead and runs about 20cm past my hair line. I shave my head on zero so its easy to see (no im not bald but have shaved my head short for quite a few years now).. did it play fighting with a mate at the pub, got him in a full nelson, he flipped forward to break the hold and i went head first into the corner of a brick wall, couldnt stop myself cause my hands/arms were committed to holding the full nelson in place. Slashed it so deep you could see skull, blood freaking everywhere, if i wasnt so pissed at the time i would have been horrfied when i looked in the mirror. 35 stitches, hurt like an absolute bitch having them put in and taken out.

My own questions:

Which Melbourne player is your favourite of all time and your most hated of all time?
Dogs or Cats? (the pet variety)
If you didnt have a partner and could go on a date with anyone who would it be?
Choose four guests to have at your ultimate dinner party, can be alive or dead..

You're weird. Why would you want dead guests?

Isn't it strange the way most people find Brad more annoying then Chris? I do. No idea why.

 

[A11dAtP0w3R]

Isn't it strange the way most people find Brad more annoying then Chris? I do. No idea why.

I find Chris a lot more measured, less in your face and defensive, Brad for some reason still considers himself the stand over man/tough guy he was at Brisbane. Chris seems to have grown up and acts like a coach, Brad acts like a meathead tough guy still. Maybe its only because Chris coached a premiership in his first year, but he acts humbly and like a professional in the media at least.

re dead guests: Weekend and Bernies is one of the greatest movies of all time. If it worked for them it can work for me. (lets pretend the dead guest is still alive today, i would love to have at least one of Genghis Khan, Napoleon Bonaparte or Hitler to see what made them tick, Norm Smith would be pretty cool also)

 

[Tulip]

Food? I'm all about good burgers and good sushi
Sex? Not thought through enough. I blame Adam for not asking Eve what SHE wanted
Scott twins? I get great pleasure from seeing their teams lose
Career? I make little money and study full time
Dees? My dad had a choice between Carlton and Melbourne when he moved to Oz 25 years ago. I don't mind the decision.
Favourite ever Dees player? Loved Neitz and Robbo when I was at school, but Crossy with a bullet.
Pets? Dogs all day.
Date? Emma Watson pls

 

[TheCount]

9. Dinner party guests - given I'd want to impress Natalie, I'll take her. And Nikola Tesla, Jack White, and Bill Hicks.

YES!!! I love that man

 

[Russian Demon]

1. Food - Rural Italian - Had the best meal of my life in Como, so I'll stick with that.

2. Sex - I figure its sorta like money. If you don't have it, you want it. If you have it, you want more of it.

3. Scott Twins - Absolutely hate the whinging campaigners. Whenever they arc up about a hit on one of their players i just think of that International Rules series where Chris decked about 17 weedy irish dudes on his way to being sent off.

4. Career - Researcher, Chemist originally but everyone seems to become an engineer with time. Spent a lot longer at uni than I have in full time work. I work 9-5, so hitting the games isn't usually too hard. Not paid enough to bother with MCC, or find beer prices at the footy acceptable.

5. I was given the choice of who to support by my dad. Support Melbourne, or support someone else from the gutter outside.

6. Favourite Dee is the Russian..... least favourite.....Ben Holland.

7. Don't really do pets... although the missus says she'll renounce Collingwood and become a Dees member if i get her a dog.

8. Scarlett Johannsen

9. Dinner party guests - David Mitchell, Dylan Moran, Billy Connolly, Frankie Boyle

My questions -

Which Melbourne player would you create a genetic eugenics program with, and which woman would you rope in?

 

[TheDarkDwarf]

1. Food – Pasta, or anything hot and spicy.
2. Sex – Yes of course!!
3. Scott Twins - Meh
4. Career – Had a career change a few years ago, best thing that could have happened. Work in a wholesale/import business now.
5. I think it was because my older brother barracked for Collingwood and being the obstinate bastard I am, I chose the Dees, also liked the colours.
6. Favourite Dees player of all time is Robert Flower, hands down. The word hate is not part of my lexicon when thinking of the MFC.
7. Dog, all the time.
8. This is a no - brainer – Michelle Pfeiffer.
9. Dinner party guests – John Donne, Julius Caesar, Homer and Sigmund Freud.

 

[Russian Demon]

Food? I'm all about good burgers and good sushi
Sex? Not thought through enough. I blame Adam for not asking Eve what SHE wanted
Scott twins? I get great pleasure from seeing their teams lose
Career? I make little money and study full time
Dees? My dad had a choice between Carlton and Melbourne when he moved to Oz 25 years ago. I don't mind the decision.
Favourite ever Dees player? Loved Neitz and Robbo when I was at school, but Crossy with a bullet.
Pets? Dogs all day.
Date? Emma Watson pls

Pretty sure there's not much to imagine with her antics of late...

 

[Sir Hugh Percy]

1. Food - I like pizza! But my wife and I are on a hard core fertility programme at the moment, so I'm (mostly) gluten free, dairy-free and am having lots of vegetable soups.
2. Sex - See above. Lots of it around a particular 10 day period can get pretty tiring.
3. Scott twins - Yep, Brad shits me, but I don't really care about Chris. He seems to whinge much less.
4. Career - I'm just a snappily dressed gentleman about town... Actually no, I'm a structural engineer in the err... public transport industry. I'm loath to say too much because my boss is a mad-keen Freo supporter and might just read this forum. Come to think of it, that's probably giving away a lot already (Hai, AB!), so sod it, with the government pouring billions into rail at the moment, it's a great place to be professionally. Currently I'm seconded to a 'major rail operator' undertaking engineering design reviews.
5. Dees - No idea, I've gone for the Dees for as long as I can remember. My older brother jumped on Norf in 1975, which was the smarter play, and somehow I chose Melbourne. My mum goes for Carlton and my dad is Essendon, so maybe I was trying to keep the peace somewhat.
6. Fav/Hated Dees players - Flower for sure and the Ox before his knee injuries are alltime faves. Gary Moorcroft would be most hated - I don't really hate any of the guys that we've had who've just been spuds. They're to be pitied, if anything.
7. Dog or cats - We've got a Standard Schnauzer, so dogs for sure, but we're actually bird people. We've got a Galah (who's absolutely awesome!), a Lorikeet, an Alexandrine and a Sun Conure (who's a little pain in the arse). I don't think people who don't have birds realise just how much fun they can be, or how big their personalities can be.
8. Date - Emilia Clarke, be mine Kahleesi.
9. Dinner party guests - pass.
10. Genetic Eugenics - The Ox and Giaan Rooney!

 

[ponsdale]

I love food. All of it. But if I had to choose a last meal it would be something Italian - probably Bistecca alla Fiorentina.
I also love sex and am very happily married with plenty available.
My Dad barracked for the Dees, so I had no choice. His choice is a weird one, as his grandfather was a past president of Fitzroy and my Dad changed (obviously well before the Roys collapsed)
Most fave is Robert Flower. Pure class and all heart. Least fave is any and all players that choos to leave the Demons and play somewhere else.
I've had a loved cats. Now I want a dog.
First concert - Crowded House, supported by Dave Dobbin and also by Joe Camilleri and the Black Sorrows (1987)
Date - probably currently Noël Wells for her work in Master of Nothing.
Dinner - Ron Barassi, Norm Smith, Frank Checker Hughes and Robert Flower.

Other question:
Fave concert - mine is a tie between Underworld at The Hollywood Bowl (2015) and The Cure at Sydney Opera House (2011) and Radiohead at Reading Festival UK (2009)

 

[LeverPuller]

I'm averse to identifying myself on here. However I will answer one question:

Sex: yes please

 

[TheCount]

1. Food - Steak ... i was once stopped in the street by some unwashed Greenpeace hippy by her asking me what my favourite animal was, when i responded with "steak" the look on her face was delightful
2. Sex - Please
3. Scott twins - I dislike both, but Brad is easily the worst
4. Career - I'd imagine that's been made fairly clear already
5. Supporting the Dees - That was decided for me long before I could have made any such decision myself. My only other choice would have been Richmond, as that's who my mother went for before my father indoctrinated her ... I'm still happy with the choice
6. Fav/Hated Dees players - Jimmy is my fav, don't really have a hated, there is a considerable number that frustrate me heavily tho.
7. Dog or cats - Dogs ... despise cats
8. Date - Blake Lively ... she could even bring Ryan Reynolds ...
9. Dinner party guests - Bill Hicks, Dave Grohl and a couple of strippers
10. Genetic Eugenics - Max and Viney?
11. Weird thing - I have an allergic reaction to ice/extreme cold, skin swells up and goes an odd yellowish colour ... entertaining after an ice bath
12. First Concert - Foo Fighters
13. Fav football memory - Being only about 20m away from the Shaun Smith mark
14. Sporting achievement - Over 200 state league games and many grand finals.

My Question: What unpopular opinion do you have?

 

[Proper Gander]

I'm a dog person. Love dogs. Bigger the better. So I end up with 2 cats. I can't go anywhere in the house without there being at least one hunched down and staring at me. I went to the loo earlier and Ron Barassi was waiting for me coiled up in the sink. And I thought Stretch was missing for a bit but he's turned up in the laundry basket. I'm actually being driven insane by cats.

 

[Proper Gander]

What unpopular opinion do you have?

Dunno really. Children shouldn't be taken anywhere. They're not cute, they're threatening and horrible. And every time I attempt to drop Matt Jones on the changes thread I face about 10 different vehement arguments so that opinion isn't exactly going down well.

 

[eskimo]

13. Fav football memory - Being only about 20m away from the Shaun Smith mark

I was at that game also. I drew the short straw unfortunately and was up the other end of the ground. I was only 9 or so at the time.
At that time the GABBA had a huge mound through the middle of the ground, and from our seats at the other end you could only see players sort of waist high and up, and then all of a sudden Shaun Smith just appears out of nowhere and he is a full person and half above everyone else i could see at the time. Would have preferred to have been where you were, but it was pretty funny action from the other end of the ground.

 

[TheCount]

I was at that game also. I drew the short straw unfortunately and was up the other end of the ground. I was only 9 or so at the time.
At that time the GABBA had a huge mound through the middle of the ground, and from our seats at the other end you could only see players sort of waist high and up, and then all of a sudden Shaun Smith just appears out of nowhere and he is a full person and half above everyone else i could see at the time. Would have preferred to have been where you were, but it was pretty funny action from the other end of the ground.

I just happened to be watching the goal square so i saw the run and jump as well ... will never forget it as long as I live.

 

[Canary]

1. Food - Guacamole and anything
2. Sex - Not thought through enough. I blame US puritans in the 1930s.
3. Scott twins - I dislike both, but Brad is easily the worst (ed: accurate answer unchanged from TheCount)
4. Career - Full-time student, although I can only use that excuse for a couple more weeks.
5. Supporting the Dees - As a renegade growing up in Perth (and my dad was a Royals man, didn't have strong feelings for any of the WA clubs) I didn't want to support Freo or WCE. In 2000 - around the time I had the capacity to feel empathy - myself and a friend were looking for a team to support, specifically in the Grand Final. We chose Melbourne and the rest is history. It actually works well because I love supporting an underdog, and Melbourne had been an underdog for the last 16 years.
6. Fav/Hated Dees players - All my favourite Melbourne players have had ignominious ends. I loved Jeff White and the Ooze growing up. Most hated while they are in Dees colours....not sure, really. Maybe too many with unrecognised potential that I'm more disappointed in than anything.
7. Dog or cats - Always been a dog man - we have two - and I used to hate cats, but since my sister's gone and got herself two I'm forced to admit they have their positive qualities.
8. Date - Brie Larson or Margot Robbie or Saoirse Ronan
9. Dinner party guests - Stephen Sondheim, Scott Aukerman, Paul F. Tompkins and Lauren Lapkus OR the above three ladies plus Conleth Hill
10. Genetic Eugenics - Serena Williams and Nathan Fyfe
11. Weird thing - I can lick my elbow.
12. First Concert - I think Ben Folds, but not 100% sure. It might have been The Cat Empire.
13. Fav football memory - the 2006 Elimination final. Attending the follow up semi? Not so good.
14. Sporting achievement - lol. I think I scored a 200 in ten pin bowling once.
15. Unpopular opinion - I'm in favour of concerted efforts to expand Aussie Rules internationally.

My question is which actor/ess would play you in a movie if it was shot right now?

 

[Spirit of 26]

1. Food - French bistro e.g. steak fritte

2. Sex - I remember my first time, I was naked, scared and alone.

3. Scott twins - couln't give a flying *

4. Career - Publishing

5. Supporting the Dees - Brainwashed as a child by my father and uncle. Exactly the same technique applied to my children

6. Fav Dees players - Robbie Flower. Currently very fond of Harmes.

7. Dog or cats - Cats

8. Date - Julian Clary

9. Dinner party guests - Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot. Poison the food and kill these mothers

12. First Concert - Jethro Tull

13. Fav football memory - Western Oval 1987 round 22

14. Sporting achievement - 36 years consecutive membership MFC

 

[harry000]

1. Food - A perfectly crafted burger (American style I dont want a posh relish in my burger gimme tomato sauce and mustard)
2. Sex - Proper Gander you creep
3. Scott twins - Campaigners
4. Career - Junior Financial Planner
5. Supporting the Dees - Dad is a Hawks supporter, Pop (Mums dad) is a Dees supporter. Pop won the battle!
6. Fav/Hated Dees players - Fave = Russell Robertson and Jack Viney. Least Fave = Tom $€U££¥, Mitch Clarke
7. Dog or cats - Cats
8. Date - Selina Gomez
9. Dinner party guests - Max Gawn, Cocaine dealer
10. Genetic Eugenics - What is this
11. Weird thing - Im a closet pokemon fan
12. First Concert - Grinspoon
13. Fav football memory - Winning the Tassie State High School premiership
14. Sporting achievement - Bball regional league championship game.. down by one.. fouled on the buzzer... hit 2 free throws to win the championship

 

[Theseventhhamster]

Already forgotten most of the questions and aint nobody got the time to scroll up.

I guess I'll just write stuff in some sort of order, I guess after aboot a decade here I can share a little.
My mother didn't particularly care about footy and my dad came over from Canada so I was left to on my own to pick a team and footy day in grade 2 1988 was fast approaching. My memory is hazy but some pommy kid named Liam told me I should go for Melbourne as they were a good team. I don't even think this kid was a friend of mine and I don't have any other memories of him so I should probably look for some old school photos and check if he exists. Anywho from then on I was a loyal fan and managed to rope in my younger brother and sister and mum too. My next Melbourne memory was watching the 88 GF at my friends house and having his dad bag the s**t out of me all game for my team's insipid performance. Still we were the second best team in the league, can't really complain right?

94 finals were probably the defining point for me as far as cementing me as a mad fan for life. Mum was nice enough to take us to both finals in town and after the Bulldogs thrashing we managed to make our way to outside the team rooms where I got most of my footy cards signed. Still feel a tinge of embarrassment to this day from getting nervous and handing Jimmy a Neitz card and him half signing it before letting me know I'd stuffed up. Garry Lyon told me off for not asking nicely enough and muttered something like "probably sell it when he gets home" still at least he signed. Never got the Ox or the god/man Tingay. Jeff Hilton's GF was the best, he was as bogan as it gets and she was lovely but 78% of her vocabulary were swear words. Possibly more when you include the words I didn't understand. Neil Balme was a very underrated coach and had the second biggest head I've ever seen. Spoke to mum for about an hour so we got heaps of time with the players.

more when/if I get drunk. CBF.

 

[A11dAtP0w3R]

Already forgotten most of the questions and aint nobody got the time to scroll up.

I guess I'll just write stuff in some sort of order, I guess after aboot a decade here I can share a little.
My mother didn't particularly care about footy and my dad came over from Canada so I was left to on my own to pick a team and footy day in grade 2 1988 was fast approaching. My memory is hazy but some pommy kid named Liam told me I should go for Melbourne as they were a good team. I don't even think this kid was a friend of mine and I don't have any other memories of him so I should probably look for some old school photos and check if he exists. Anywho from then on I was a loyal fan and managed to rope in my younger brother and sister and mum too. My next Melbourne memory was watching the 88 GF at my friends house and having his dad bag the s**t out of me all game for my team's insipid performance. Still we were the second best team in the league, can't really complain right?

94 finals were probably the defining point for me as far as cementing me as a mad fan for life. Mum was nice enough to take us to both finals in town and after the Bulldogs thrashing we managed to make our way to outside the team rooms where I got most of my footy cards signed. Still feel a tinge of embarrassment to this day from getting nervous and handing Jimmy a Neitz card and him half signing it before letting me know I'd stuffed up. Garry Lyon told me off for not asking nicely enough and muttered something like "probably sell it when he gets home" still at least he signed. Never got the Ox or the god/man Tingay. Jeff Hilton's GF was the best, he was as bogan as it gets and she was lovely but 78% of her vocabulary were swear words. Possibly more when you include the words I didn't understand. Neil Balme was a very underrated coach and had the second biggest head I've ever seen. Spoke to mum for about an hour so we got heaps of time with the players.

more when/if I get drunk. CBF.

In the 96 (could have been 95, cant remember), pre season all the players were down my way having a hit of golf at the same time i was, couldnt believe my luck, called the old man to bring my Melbourne jumper down to the golf club to get it signed.

Much like you i found Garry Lyon to be a complete tosser. Jeff Hilton was a legend. Neil Balme was a monster, couldnt believe how big he was. Jim Stynes was great, Neita was also. Stephen Tingay was my favourite player also but didnt say much. Andrew Leoncelli was a friendly, Junior McDonald and Jeff Farmer i remember being cheeky campaigners, running around flicking blokes ears. Dean Irving (now there's a name) was the best though with all of us, happy to talk with anyone and gave everyone a good minute of his time.