Lifestyle SFAEW Season 34: The Offseason Listicles - The SweetaMania Matches That Never Were

[thewizardmelon]

TheWizardMelon executes the Five Star Phoenix Splash on Agent93

I don’t know what this move is - but I’m going to keep that one in the back pocket for when SFA games don’t go my way. Condolences Agent93 and cheers PhenomenalV1

 

[Agent93]

A huge statement from the debuting Melon!

This wrestling sim hates me.

 

[AceAndy]

They lock up.
AceAndy chops PhenomenalV1.
The crowd is really behind AceAndy.
AceAndy punches PhenomenalV1.
AceAndy runs into the ropes.
AceAndy hits PhenomenalV1 with a kick.
AceAndy performs a spear against PhenomenalV1.
AceAndy runs into the ropes.
AceAndy misses with a clothesline.
AceAndy executes a backspin DDT against PhenomenalV1.
AceAndy has the crowd going wild.
AceAndy does the Shane O Shuffle.
AceAndy uses a clothesline on PhenomenalV1.
AceAndy uses a jumping elbow thrust on PhenomenalV1.
AceAndy performs a Russian legsweep against PhenomenalV1.
AceAndy throws PhenomenalV1 into the turnbuckle, but PhenomenalV1 reverses it.
PhenomenalV1 charges in with a clothesline, but AceAndy lifts his leg.
AceAndy hits a reverse neckbreaker on PhenomenalV1.
The crowd is going crazy.
JoshWoodenSpoon comes to ringside.
AceAndy throws PhenomenalV1 out of the ring.
AceAndy goes outside.
AceAndy goes for the Coast to Coast, but PhenomenalV1 counters it with a roll away.
Manangatang counts: 1.
PhenomenalV1 nails AceAndy with a lariat.
PhenomenalV1 does the "DELETE" arm swipe.
The crowd is behind PhenomenalV1 all the way.
PhenomenalV1 goes for a legdrop, but AceAndy moves out of the way.
Manangatang counts: 2.
AceAndy does the Shane O Shuffle.
AceAndy has the crowd going wild.
AceAndy uses a vertical suplex on PhenomenalV1.
AceAndy gets back into the ring.
PhenomenalV1 follows him back in.
AceAndy nails PhenomenalV1 with a Russian legsweep.
AceAndy is going for the pin.
Manangatang counts: One, two, shoulder up.
AceAndy does the Shane O Shuffle.
AceAndy nails PhenomenalV1 with a flying lariat.
AceAndy does the Shane O Shuffle.
AceAndy performs a dragon screw against PhenomenalV1.
AceAndy hits PhenomenalV1.
AceAndy kicks PhenomenalV1.
AceAndy hits PhenomenalV1.
AceAndy tries a reverse neckbreaker, but PhenomenalV1 blocks it.
PhenomenalV1 uses a side slam on AceAndy.
PhenomenalV1 nails AceAndy with a front slam.
The crowd is on its feet cheering for PhenomenalV1.
PhenomenalV1 uses an elbowdrop from the second turnbuckle on AceAndy.
Manangatang counts: One, two, kickout.
PhenomenalV1 whips AceAndy into the ropes.
AceAndy misses with a clothesline.
AceAndy executes a spear against PhenomenalV1.
The crowd is going crazy.
AceAndy performs a jumping elbow thrust against PhenomenalV1.
AceAndy runs into the ropes.
JoshWoodenSpoon hits AceAndy in the back with a chair.
Manangatang threatens PhenomenalV1 with disqualification.
PhenomenalV1 goes for the La-Li-Lu-Le-Lowdown, but AceAndy blocks it.
PhenomenalV1 whips AceAndy into the ropes.
PhenomenalV1 goes for a tilt-a-whirl suplex, but AceAndy counters it with an enzuilariato.
The crowd is going crazy.
In turn, PhenomenalV1 counters it with a backward kick.
PhenomenalV1 kicks AceAndy.
The chants for PhenomenalV1 are deafening.
AceAndy kicks PhenomenalV1.
PhenomenalV1 kicks AceAndy.
PhenomenalV1 has the crowd going wild.
AceAndy punches PhenomenalV1.
AceAndy runs into the ropes.
AceAndy hits PhenomenalV1 with a kick.
AceAndy tries a flying elbowdrop, but PhenomenalV1 rolls out of the way.
PhenomenalV1 performs a Russian legsweep against AceAndy.
PhenomenalV1 covers AceAndy.
Manangatang counts: One, two, kickout.
PhenomenalV1 complains about a slow count.
PhenomenalV1 hits a spinning headlock elbowdrop on AceAndy.
Manangatang counts: One, two, kickout.
PhenomenalV1 uses a DDT on AceAndy.
PhenomenalV1 executes a headlock takedown against AceAndy.
PhenomenalV1 tries a headbutt, but AceAndy blocks it.
AceAndy hits a bodyslam on PhenomenalV1.
AceAndy executes a jab against PhenomenalV1.
AceAndy executes a punch against PhenomenalV1.
AceAndy whips PhenomenalV1 into the ropes.
AceAndy hits PhenomenalV1 with a clothesline.
AceAndy executes a clothesline against PhenomenalV1.
AceAndy tries a backspin DDT, but PhenomenalV1 blocks it.
PhenomenalV1 punches AceAndy.
AceAndy chops PhenomenalV1.
The crowd is really behind AceAndy.
AceAndy hits PhenomenalV1.
AceAndy hits PhenomenalV1.
PhenomenalV1 chops AceAndy.
The crowd is behind PhenomenalV1 all the way.
AceAndy punches PhenomenalV1.
AceAndy attempts a clothesline, but PhenomenalV1 counters it with a hiptoss.
PhenomenalV1 uses a swinging neckbreaker on AceAndy.
The chants for PhenomenalV1 are deafening.
PhenomenalV1 runs into the ropes.
PhenomenalV1 hits AceAndy with a clothesline.
PhenomenalV1 executes an elbowsmash against AceAndy.
PhenomenalV1 whips AceAndy into the ropes.
AceAndy misses with a clothesline.
AceAndy goes for a backspin DDT, but PhenomenalV1 blocks it.
PhenomenalV1 executes a facebite against AceAndy.
PhenomenalV1 punches AceAndy.
The crowd is behind PhenomenalV1 all the way.
AceAndy chops PhenomenalV1.
The crowd is going crazy.
AceAndy hits PhenomenalV1.
PhenomenalV1 hits AceAndy.
PhenomenalV1 kicks AceAndy.
The crowd is on its feet cheering for PhenomenalV1.
PhenomenalV1 uses a headlock takedown on AceAndy.
PhenomenalV1 goes for a tilt-a-whirl suplex, but AceAndy counters it with an enzuilariato.
AceAndy executes a flying lariat against PhenomenalV1.
The chants for AceAndy are deafening.
AceAndy tries an elbowdrop, but PhenomenalV1 rolls out of the way.
PhenomenalV1 hits an elbowsmash on AceAndy.
PhenomenalV1 goes for a swinging DDT, but AceAndy counters it with a backbreaker.
The crowd is giving AceAndy a standing ovation.
AceAndy whips PhenomenalV1 into the turnbuckle, but PhenomenalV1 reverses it.
AceAndy comes back and rocks PhenomenalV1 with a kick to the midsection.
AceAndy performs a jumping elbow thrust against PhenomenalV1.
AceAndy puts PhenomenalV1 in a triangle choke.
PhenomenalV1 reaches the ropes after 5 seconds.
AceAndy whips PhenomenalV1 into the ropes.
PhenomenalV1 attempts a swinging DDT, but AceAndy throws him off.
AceAndy nails PhenomenalV1 with a reverse neckbreaker.
The crowd is giving AceAndy a standing ovation.
AceAndy goes for a Boston crab, but PhenomenalV1 blocks it.
PhenomenalV1 performs a DDT against AceAndy.
The crowd is going into a frenzy.
PhenomenalV1 whips AceAndy into the ropes, but AceAndy reverses it.
PhenomenalV1 hits AceAndy with a kick.
PhenomenalV1 performs an elbowsmash against AceAndy.
PhenomenalV1 throws AceAndy out of the ring.
Manangatang counts: one, two, three, four, five, AceAndy reenters the ring.
PhenomenalV1 goes for a hiptoss, but AceAndy reverses it.
AceAndy is going for the cover.
Manangatang counts: One, two, kickout.
AceAndy performs a reverse neckbreaker against PhenomenalV1.
The crowd is giving AceAndy a standing ovation.
AceAndy covers PhenomenalV1.
Manangatang counts: One, shoulder up.
AceAndy puts PhenomenalV1 in a triangle choke.
PhenomenalV1 reaches the ropes after 9 seconds.
AceAndy executes the Coast to Coast on PhenomenalV1.
AceAndy goes for the pin.
Manangatang counts: One, two, kickout.
AceAndy takes PhenomenalV1 down with a bodyslam.
AceAndy attempts a reverse neckbreaker, but JoshWoodenSpoon clobbers him from behind.
PhenomenalV1 executes the La-Li-Lu-Le-Lowdown on AceAndy.
The crowd is on its feet cheering for PhenomenalV1.
PhenomenalV1 goes for the pin.
Manangatang counts: One, two, three.

The winner is PhenomenalV1. Time of match: 0:09:51
Sim Rating: *** 1/2

PhenomenalV1 looks at JoshWoodenSpoon.
PhenomenalV1 taps his neck.
JoshWoodenSpoon taps his neck.


Excellent work Josh! My little plan is taking form...

Surely this cannot be allowed.

 

[PhenomenalV1]

This wrestling sim hates me.

The sim is a fickle altar, Agent.

 

[PhenomenalV1]

TheWizardMelon executes the Five Star Phoenix Splash on Agent93

I don’t know what this move is - but I’m going to keep that one in the back pocket for when SFA games don’t go my way. Condolences Agent93 and cheers PhenomenalV1

I think you'll find that the Phoenix Splash looks something like this:

 

[Agent93]

I think you'll find that the Phoenix Splash looks something like this:

That's pretty mental.

 

[Frothies Mcveigh]

They lock up.
Frothies McVeigh whips JT_The_Man into the barbed wire, but JT_The_Man reverses it.
JT_The_Man executes a forearm to the back against Frothies McVeigh.
JT_The_Man tries a spear, but Frothies McVeigh steps out of the way.
Ned_Flanders comes to ringside.
Frothies McVeigh goes for a roundhouse kick, but JT_The_Man counters it with a legsweep.
JT_The_Man is going for the cover.
Chief counts: One, two, kickout.
JT_The_Man attempts an overhead belly-to-belly suplex, but Frothies McVeigh blocks it.
Frothies McVeigh whips JT_The_Man into the barbed wire.
Frothies McVeigh goes for a vertical suplex, but JT_The_Man counters it with a jab.
JT_The_Man executes an elbowsmash against Frothies McVeigh.
JT_The_Man scrapes Frothies McVeigh's face across the barbed wire.
Frothies McVeigh is cut open.
JT_The_Man hits the Yokosuka cutter on Frothies McVeigh.
JT_The_Man attempts a powerslam, but Frothies McVeigh counters it with a high cross body.
Chief counts: One, two, kickout.
Ned_Flanders throws JT_The_Man the Beez Trophy.
JT_The_Man tries to use it, but Frothies McVeigh blocks the blow and takes it away from him.
Frothies McVeigh hits JT_The_Man with it and goes for the pin.
Chief counts: One, two, thr... shoulder up.
JT_The_Man is cut open.
Frothies McVeigh executes a side suplex against JT_The_Man.
Frothies McVeigh tries a chinlock deathlock submission, but JT_The_Man counters it with a facerake.
JT_The_Man attempts a belly-to-belly suplex, but Frothies McVeigh blocks it.
Frothies McVeigh attempts a vertical suplex, but JT_The_Man counters it with a jab.
JT_The_Man uses an Exploder suplex on Frothies McVeigh.
The crowd is vociferously booing JT_The_Man.
JT_The_Man performs a spear against Frothies McVeigh.
JT_The_Man is going for the pin.
Chief counts: One, two, thr... kickout.
JT_The_Man hits a kick to the head on Frothies McVeigh.
JT_The_Man hits a diving shoulderblock on Frothies McVeigh.
JT_The_Man whips Frothies McVeigh into the barbed wire.
JT_The_Man punches Frothies McVeigh.
Frothies McVeigh chops JT_The_Man.
There are lots of chants for Frothies McVeigh.
Frothies McVeigh uses a spin kick on JT_The_Man.
Frothies McVeigh uses a swinging leg hook fireman's carry slam on JT_The_Man.
Frothies McVeigh covers JT_The_Man.
Chief counts: One, two, in the ropes...
Frothies McVeigh whips JT_The_Man into the barbed wire, but JT_The_Man reverses it.
JT_The_Man performs a Gorilla Press against Frothies McVeigh.
Frothies McVeigh springs to his feet.
Frothies McVeigh uses a spin kick on JT_The_Man.
Frothies McVeigh uses an elbowsmash on JT_The_Man.
Ned_Flanders throws JT_The_Man brass knuckles.
JT_The_Man hits Frothies McVeigh with it and goes for the pin.
Chief counts: One, two, in the ropes...
JT_The_Man executes a lariat against Frothies McVeigh.
JT_The_Man goes for a Gorilla Press, but Frothies McVeigh counters it with a small package.
Chief counts: One, kickout.
Frothies McVeigh uses a dropkick on JT_The_Man.
Frothies McVeigh tries a Russian legsweep, but JT_The_Man counters it with an elbowsmash.
JT_The_Man goes for a kick to the midsection, but Frothies McVeigh blocks it.
Frothies McVeigh uses an enzuigiri on JT_The_Man.
Frothies McVeigh performs a dropkick against JT_The_Man.
Frothies McVeigh goes for a spinning leg lariat, but JT_The_Man steps out of the way.
JT_The_Man whips Frothies McVeigh into the barbed wire, but Frothies McVeigh reverses it.
Frothies McVeigh throws JT_The_Man out of the ring.
Frothies McVeigh goes for a tope, but JT_The_Man moves out of the way.
JT_The_Man nails Frothies McVeigh with a side suplex.
JT_The_Man is going for the pin.
Chief counts: One, kickout.
They're brawling inside the ring area.
JT_The_Man performs a fireman's carry drop against Frothies McVeigh.
JT_The_Man is handed a baseball bat.
JT_The_Man hits him with the baseball bat.
JT_The_Man is being booed out of the building.
They're brawling inside the ring area.
They're brawling inside the ring area.
Frothies McVeigh attempts a legdrop, but JT_The_Man rolls out of the way.
JT_The_Man chokes him with a baseball bat.
JT_The_Man performs a snap suplex against Frothies McVeigh.
They're brawling inside the ring area.
They're brawling inside the ring area.
They're brawling inside the ring area.
Frothies McVeigh throws JT_The_Man over the guardrail.
Frothies McVeigh nails JT_The_Man with a Russian legsweep.
Frothies McVeigh whips JT_The_Man into the guardrail.
They're brawling behind the guardrail.
Frothies McVeigh goes for a superkick, but JT_The_Man counters it with a legsweep.
They're brawling down the aisle.
JT_The_Man performs a lariat against Frothies McVeigh.
JT_The_Man takes Frothies McVeigh down with an Exploder suplex.
A few fans are trying to get a shot in.
JT_The_Man is handed a baseball bat.
JT_The_Man hits him with the baseball bat.
JT_The_Man hits him with the baseball bat.
JT_The_Man chokes him with a baseball bat.
They're brawling up the aisle.
JT_The_Man goes for a fireman's carry drop, but Frothies McVeigh slides down his back.
They're brawling up the aisle.
Frothies McVeigh attempts a dropkick, but JT_The_Man steps out of the way.
They're brawling inside the ring area.
JT_The_Man throws Frothies McVeigh over the guardrail.
They're brawling up the aisle.
JT_The_Man is handed a fire extinguisher.
JT_The_Man hits him with the fire extinguisher.
A few fans are trying to get a shot in.
JT_The_Man hits him with a fire extinguisher.
JT_The_Man uses a Gorilla Press on Frothies McVeigh.
JT_The_Man hits him with the fire extinguisher.
JT_The_Man executes the Medal Winner on Frothies McVeigh on the concrete floor.
Frothies McVeigh is writhing in pain.
Frothies McVeigh submits after 14 seconds.

The winner is JT_the_Man. Time of match: 0:09:06
Sim Rating: *** 1/2

Ned_Flanders turns to JT_The_Man.
Ned_Flanders taps his neck.
JT_The_Man taps his neck.

It took 37 foreign objects and outside interference to take me out, JT_the_Man you better watch your back in the Wonders locker room round 1!

 

[PhenomenalV1]

Announcement from the SFAEW Commissioner's Desk






Dear loyal SFAEW readers.

Today, I'm proud to announce that after a lengthy discussion between SFAEW commissioner PhenomenalV1 and SFAEW Brand Ambassador PhenomenalV1, the company will be bringing in a new championship in Season 34. That new title is...


The SFAEW Trios Championship


That's right, with more teams than ever in the Sweet Football Association, and more factions than ever in SFAEW, there's no better time to bring in trios belts!

Your move, Tony Khan.

The inaugural champions will be crowned in a massive 12 team/faction tournament that will take place over the first half of season 34. Further details (i.e., who's in it and how it'll be run) will be announced next week alongside the match card for the Opening Round.​

 

[The Filth Wizard]

Gee let me guess, my next match is not only against the commissioner but also the brand ambassador?

 

[PhenomenalV1]

Gee let me guess, my next match is not only against the commissioner but also the brand ambassador?

Alright then, you'll face the Head of Talent Relations.

 

[The Filth Wizard]

Alright then, you'll face the Head of Talent Relations.

Oh s**t serial_thrilla as well?

 

[serial_thrilla]

Oh s**t serial_thrilla as well?

Didn't I beat you last time? You need to go back to SFAEW Sunday Night Heat and work on your promos.

 

[The Filth Wizard]

Didn't I beat you last time? You need to go back to SFAEW Sunday Night Heat and work on your promos.

I don't think so. The biggest jobber I've ever lost to is pantskyle and that was my last match (even if it became a 3-way for no reason).

 

[pantskyle]

I don't think so. The biggest jobber I've ever lost to is pantskyle and that was my last match (even if it became a 3-way for no reason).

Fight me again

 

[The Filth Wizard]

Fight me again

My next match is going to end up being a battle royale.

 

[pantskyle]

My next match is going to end up being a battle royale.

Make me.

 

[The Filth Wizard]

Make me.

 

[PhenomenalV1]

So I'm catching up on Dynamite, and...



Literally one night after I said...

The SFAEW Trios Championship


That's right, with more teams than ever in the Sweet Football Association, and more factions than ever in SFAEW, there's no better time to bring in trios belts!

Your move, Tony Khan.

...if you're reading this Tony, I have two things to say:

1. Expect a letter from my legal team.

2. Reckon you could give Sammy Guevara a little less of a push?

 

[damicky]

I want my title back

When is my rematch?

 

[TheInjuryFactory]

** The Injury Factory has been eliminated.

And the crowd goes mild.

rarr.

 

[PhenomenalV1]

I want my title back

When is my rematch?

You were literally just part of a triple threat for that title. Technically, your rematch already happened.


However,

As I am a kind and benevolent commissioner, I'll give you one last shot against pantskyle. Although if you lose again, you'll be barred from challenging for the IC title while Pants still has it.

 

[The Filth Wizard]

You were literally just part of a triple threat for that title. Technically, your rematch already happened.


However,

As I am a kind and benevolent commissioner, I'll give you one last shot against pantskyle. Although if you lose again, you'll be barred from challenging for the IC title while Pants still has it.

Wait a minute. I'm the former champion. That rematch is mine.

 

[damicky]

Wait a minute. I'm the former champion. That rematch is mine.

PhenomenalV1 says:

 

[The Filth Wizard]

PhenomenalV1 says:

You're an old washed up champ that's been beaten in two championship matches in a row, one of them by pants.

Get out of here you pencil neck.

 

[pantskyle]

Wait, I have a title?